Law School Hopeful

2006-09-10T23:41:00.000-04:00

I apologize for the lag in posts! Life has been hectic with school, and the journal has been keeping me busy. However, I have to admit that I have a lot more time to myself now than I did last year. All of those second and third year students who assured me that this semester would be better than last year were right. I was somewhat skeptical because I could not imagine that law school could be an enjoyable experience, but I was proven wrong. The stress of the Socratic Method and the pressure of peer on peer competition have subsided greatly, and for the most part, everyone has mellowed out this year. I think a large part of it may be that we have picked our own classes and we are studying things that interest us on an individual level.

Speaking of things that interest people on an individual level, I had to take a Myers Briggs test for one of my classes, and this really amazing woman came in to discuss our results and explain how the results should apply to us. Apparently, my personality does not mesh well with being an attorney. I came out being an ENFP (Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiver). The person giving the lecture, handed out a paper about personality types and attorneys, and my personality type was listed as the least compatible with the attorney lifestyle. It seems that since I am not a cold hearted bitch I will have a problem being an attorney because I will have a hard time separating my feelings from my cases. This may be true to some extent; however, I truly feel that the fact that I have the ability to feel for my clients is a positive aspect to being a successful attorney. I think it is important to be able to relate to your client and believe in them. I think that a lot of attorneys lack people skills and that is a really sad thing.

Anyway, my topic for my note and comment is due on Tuesday. I explored a lot of different avenues, and I have focused the possibilities down to two. Now tomorrow I need to spend time really refining it and picking the one that will work out for me the best in the long run, since I would like to try to get it published.

2006-08-23T15:56:00.000-04:00

The first round of sub-editing was due yesterday. It went well, and I really enjoyed it. It almost felt like a game to me, like I was working with a puzzle that had a few pieces missing, but I still had to find some way to look past that and pull the big picture together. I think I am going to enjoy working on the journal. I have not gotten feedback from the article editor yet, but since the next round out will be assigned on Friday, I expect to have feedback by tomorrow.

I talked with one of the editors on the journal about note and comment writing. She suggested a professor for my advisor since my interest aligned with his. I have never had him, but I went and met him today. He seemed really nice, but strict. He said that he would work with me, but I was not to anticipate that it was going to be easy. I told him that it was supposed to be a learning experience and it was not supposed to be something that he just passes through. He seemed happy about this. I have to do a little bit of research to narrow my focus and then meet with him again. It should be interesting.

I am kind of nervous about the clinic that I am taking part in this semester. We had our first class yesterday and it was not what I expected at all. Apparently we are going to be thrown head first into representing clients. Do not get me wrong, I did expect to represent clients, in fact I was looking forward to doing something practical; however, I did not expect to be the only person standing in front of the judge representing the client. I thought that an attorney or the teacher would be alongside of me. Apparently it does not work that way. The teacher goes to the hearings but he stands in the back of the courtroom and does not get involved. I am worried that I will miss an objection, freeze, mess up on cross exam, or just fuck up royally so that the client loses. I know that an attorney does not win every case that he or she takes, but I do not want my inexperience to be what makes the case go down in flames. I am sure that I will get some guidance, I am just a little on edge about the thought of being up there alone and screwing up.

Anyway, to end on a happy note, my boyfriend got a full time tenure track teaching position. YAY. :)

2006-08-19T10:16:00.000-04:00

Apparently, as per the ABA, law students are not allowed to take more than 17 credits a semester. In order to comply with this, I dropped Prof. Responsibility. The reason that I picked that course to drop is that it is offered every semester and I am not going to take the MPRE until the summer anyway.

Law Review Orientation was much less intensive than I thought it was going to be. Although, seeing all of the deadlines for sub-edits and the note and comment that new members must write, was a little overwhelming. I enjoy doing this kind of work so I do not really mind. I got my first assignment yesterday, so I spent a few hours in the library. So far, so good though.

My birthday was yesterday, so my roommates made me my favorite meal and bought me a make your own Cold Stone Cake. It was awesome and really sweet of them. It made me feel at home. Then this morning one of my roommates made Bailey's iced cinnamon rolls for breakfast. They were really yummy. My boyfriend is coming to visit for a few days today, and my parents are going to come up to visit on Sunday. I can not wait to see them.

2006-08-15T08:38:00.000-04:00

The move in went well. Thankfully, I had help getting everything up here. My poor car never would have managed with all of the stuff that had to come with me. Getting things into and out of the car went fairly quickly. I even managed to make the apartment look like home in a pretty decent amount of time.

Monday I participated in orientation for the first year students. It was their first day, so a lot of people were nervous, which is expected. This year the students were allowed to have their parents attend orientation for the entire day. I thought this was an improvement from last year when we were tossed out on our own. The class of 09 was also much nicer and friendly than my class. When we went through orientation I remember thinking how stiff and non-friendly my classmates were, but this group of 1L's met on myspace.com so a lot of them knew one another before orientation and were comfortable with one another.

Yesterday, one of my friends called me at 9 am and told me that if I could get over to school immediately I would be taken off the waitlist for a class that I really wanted. I jumped at the opportunity, but that meant that class started for me this week. I have to go through 25 hours of training this week before classes actually start on Monday. So, I got there and I was added to the class. It should be really interesting. When I went to the registrars office to get situated, she told me that I had 21 credits and had to drop something. I knew that was not possible, so we went down the list and they had taken me off the Waitlist for another class that I wanted. So, I dropped Intro to IP, and I am going to take 18 credits this semester. I think it should be ok.

I have class from 9 to 5 today so I need to run.

2006-08-11T10:50:00.000-04:00

Today is my last day at my internship. It is definitely a bitter sweet experience. I really enjoyed working here, and getting to know all of my interesting and wonderful coworkers. The VP, my boss, and two of my coworkers took me to lunch on Monday. Then we had pizza yesterday, and today a few of the coworkers that I work directly with are taking me out to lunch. I brought in a few dozen donuts from Dunkin Donuts this morning. That seems to have gone over really well. It was a nice way to mingle with everyone one last time.

The first real job that I had out of college was working for an international company, but in their small US office. Even though working for a small company had its advantages, I really enjoyed working for Prudential. I think I might have a hard time going back to a small company or firm. I just really mesh well with the big company atmosphere.

Anyway, leaving is going to be really sad and I am going to miss it. I am moving back to school tomorrow afternoon, so I have a lot of stuff to do. I do not have the time to get down about it. There are too many exciting things going on. Will write more later.

2006-08-02T06:16:00.000-04:00

It is that time of year again - time to apply for summer positions. I updated my resume last night so that it has the journal membership, my current internship, and the clinical program that I will be in next semester.

My law school started a new job search system online. So far it has been very helpful. I think it will be much easier to find and apply for jobs this way. One of the features that the system has is the ability to create a meeting with a career counselor so that they can answer questions over the phone. I tried to sign up for one yesterday, but they were all booked until next week. Since I would miss a deadline if I waited that long, I emailed the head of career services to ask her my question. She was very timely getting back to me and said she did not mind that I emailed her direct because the time slots were full. I have to admit, our career services center is really stellar when it comes to helping students prepare for and apply for positions.

After work today, I am going to start sending my resumes out.

2006-07-28T20:52:00.000-04:00

Ok, so the details. I got a phone call last night that informed me that I wrote on to the Science and Technology journal. I was thrilled because this was my first choice since I am really interested in technology. I did my masters thesis on computer mediated communication, so I am excited about the prospect of writing about the legal implications of CMC and online commerce. It should be exciting. Additionally, one of my roommates graded on to the Science and Tech journal, so now we can work together.

I have to attend a few days of orientation for the journal, so I have to move back to Albany in about two weeks. Since I will be there a week before my classes start and I am an ambassador, I am probably going to take part in some of the orientation events. That will keep me busy and out of trouble. The only thing that sucks about going up early is that I will be there for my birthday and be away from everyone. :( Oh well, they will have to come up and visit me on a weekend.

I got an email from career services; apparently it is time to apply for summer jobs for next year. I am going to update my resume this weekend and start sending out resumes next week. The VP of my department knows that I am thinking about applying at some firms for next summer, and has offered to send my resume out to some of the attorneys that he knows at firms in northern NJ and NYC. I thought that was really nice of him. I do not expect much to happen from it, but you never know it may help a door open for me.

Hope everyone is having a great summer.

2006-07-27T22:27:00.000-04:00

I got the phone call a little bit ago. I wrote on!! :) Will write more about this later.

2006-07-27T09:32:00.000-04:00

I got an email last night about the law review competition. They made their selections and will be calling people from today to tomorrow night. If you do not get a phone call, you do not make it onto a journal. I am really nervous and kind of scared. This email took away the wondering about how it will turn out and made it all very real and final. I am having second thoughts about my submission and how I could have made it better. I know I can not change anything, but I can not help but worry about this now. Wish me luck.

2006-07-23T23:54:00.000-04:00

I have been having a blast at my internship. The research has been really interesting and I have been participating in a lot of the activities that the attorneys take part in. I went to a lunch meeting a week ago with a few attorneys from my company, and a few from one of the companies that we are working with. It was a good experience to see the interactions that take place between working attorneys. The culture is really unique from other workplace interactions that I have participated in. I wish I could talk about it in more detail, but I am not allowed to. :(

As for law review, I am trying not to worry or think about the competition. I will not hear until about the first week of August, so there is no point in obsessing about it. I am still hoping that it works out for me because I think that it would be a great experience for me, especially since I really enjoy editing and working with publications. We will see though.

I spent a little bit of time throwing together a preliminary calendar for Phi Alpha Delta. It needs to be refined by the other officers when I get their feedback, but I do not think that it is that bad of a starting point. Hopefully we pull together enough fun and informative events that we are able to recruit a good number of new initiates.

2006-07-13T15:33:00.000-04:00

The law review competition finally ended today, so I can get some semblance of my life back. I knew that it was going to be a lot of work, but I never imagined that it would be so intense. I was up till 12:30 or 1:00 every morning, and then I would get up at 5:00 in the morning to get ready for work. It was a crazy two weeks, my boyfriend was starting to get a little pissy with me because I totally ignored his existence, then again, he was not special, I ignored all of my friends and my family too. I have about 50 phone calls and emails to return, and when I tell people what I was doing they just do not get it. It seems like if you are not in law school you do not understand what the competition is like. Anyway, hopefully becoming an obsessive hermit pays off and I get onto one of the journals. I did my absolute best, but there were still some things that I just did not understand. Sometimes I feel like the bluebook can be the most convoluted guide book in the world. It blows my mind that this is the user-friendly edition! Pretty ironic.

Work has been really awesome. I am taking part in some really interesting projects. I think I might apply to a different department for next summer. I have not decided if I want to try for a firm or stick with corporate. We will see.

2006-07-06T19:59:00.000-04:00

Things at work are going well. So far, I am really enjoying the projects that I have been given to work on and I have been learning a lot of interesting things. I know that I am going to be sad when I have to leave to go back to school. At least I have a few more weeks before I need to worry about it.

Nothing exciting has been going on because the Law Review Write On Competition is taking up all of my spare time. I feel like I never stop going because if I am not at work, I am reading and outlining cases and articles. It does not help that my commute is an hour and a half. At least I get to spend that time reading cases. My goal for the remainder of the competition is to start writing tomorrow and finish the paper completely by Sunday. Then, I will spend two or three days working on the sub-edit before sending it off on either Wednesday or Thursday. Just a little longer.

Back to the competition.

2006-06-29T23:32:00.000-04:00

My internship started this week. It has been a lot of fun so far. The people are great, and I have already gotten to take part in some really interesting things, like participating in contract negotiation. I am really thrilled with the fact that I am not really doing any bull shit work. You always worry about that when you intern but luckily it has been a good experience and a great learning experience. :)

The Law Review Write On Competition just started this week, so I was a little upset about that because I spent weeks sitting around working on some freelance editing projects and trying to find things to do to keep myself busy, and I would have loved to use that time to dedicate to the competition. Oh well, what am I going to do! Anyway, the competition looks like it is going to be a lot of work, but the topic for the writing portion is really interesting, so I am excited about that. I was worried that the topic was going to suck and that would make participating in the competition painful. However, that is far from true, so I can not wait to throw myself into that. I plan on spending a large part of this weekend at one of the local college libraries so that I have my space and I am away from family and friends. The subedit portion of the competition scares me a little bit because we learned blue booking for memorandum, not law review. I am just worried that I will misread something or misunderstand how to apply the law review rules. I am going to take my time with it and work hard on it. Hopefully, if I am meticulous enough I will be able to do the subedit well enough to meet the expectations that are placed on us.

On an unrelated topic one of my friends is graduating from the military tomorrow. I know he can not read this, but I am really proud of him. I knew that things would fall into place for him and I know that he will succeed in the next training phase. He called me today for like two minutes but he seemed really happy. I wish I was there to see him graduate, but since I just started work I was unable to take the time off. I stopped by his house and sent a graduation present with his mom. I put together a package of his favorite candy, a car magazine, and a CD. I am sure that he will like it. :)

2006-06-19T23:03:00.000-04:00

I heard back from Prudential, and I got the job! Yay!! It took them a long time to make a decision and get back to me, but this is such an awesome experience that the wait paid off. My dad told me that if I had patience good things would come to me, and he was right. Unfortunately, patience is not my strong point so the wait seemed a hundred times worse. At least the wait is over, for now. Well, at least for the next month or so. Then, the job search for the following summer will start. I know it seems early, because this summer will not even be over when I start the search, but from talking to firms and the career center, that is how it works.

Anyway, I am really excited to start gaining legal experience, and doing something constructive this summer. I can not wait to start working and making money. The pay is great, and I can have as much over time as I want, which is time and a half. I am hoping to make enough to pay off my bills and save a little money for next semester. Hopefully, it works out. I have to go for a drug test and have a background check completed before I can start. I am sure it will take a few days for everything to get processed, but I really hope that I can start this week.

So, it looks like things have come together. I got the job that I really wanted, Ihad an awesome semester, and my GPA and class rank came up nicely. I just wish I had a better first semester because I missed grading onto law review by a few percentile ranking points. It is ok though, I will try the write on competition, and hopefully that works out for me. I have done really well in my research and writing class, so I am confident that I stand a good chance of writing on. Hopefully the write on topic does not suck because that would make the process somewhat painful. I will write more about this as I find out the information.

On an unrelated topic, ironically, one of my friends called me today and told me that one of the people that she works with mentioned that she read a blog about Albany Law School. She gave my friend some information about the blog and asked her if she knew the writer. Small world, not only does she know me, but we are like family during school because we live together! I love her. I actually do not know what I would have done in Albany without her. :)

2006-06-14T12:23:00.000-04:00

When I went on the second interview at Prudential, I was told that I was the top candidate and that they would hire me in 10 minutes if they could, but they had to go through the proper channels. However, I have not heard anything yet. I wish I knew what was causing the hold up. I really want to know if I got the job or not so that I can start something, because I am starting to get crazy sitting here with the dog every day. I called and left a message with the HR representative, but she has not called back yet.

I got my grades today, and I kicked ass. My GPA for the semester was a 3.0. I never expected this because I was so sure that I had blown it. I managed to pull my rank up nicely from last semester, so I feel really good about everything right now. :)

2006-06-07T10:55:00.000-04:00

I finally got the call back from Prudential. They asked me to come in for a second interview, this time, with the VP of the department. I am happy about this, but I really want to get started somewhere and it seems like they are dragging their feet. I know that other candidates are also moving on to meet the VP, but I do not know how many others. Hopefully my interview with him goes well. I really would like this job. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I am in one of my friend’s weddings this weekend. I will be glad to get it over with because she has kind of been a little psycho. I understand that it is her wedding, but the amount of money that I had to spend is insane. I feel badly because I was not the best bride’s maid in the world. I was away at school, so I did not attend any of the functions. The shower was right before finals and I could not afford to lose the weekend to go to it. The bachelorette party was really expensive, so I was unable to go to that because I hardly have an income. Oh well. I hope she understands that I did not blow things off because I did not want to go to them.

2006-06-05T10:28:00.000-04:00

A few nights ago I had an awful anxiety attack. I woke up at about 4 am and I was unable to breathe. I think the underlying cause was my allergies because I have not been taking my allergy pills and I went somewhere with cats. I was ok while I was there, so I assumed all was fine. Then, when I woke up in the middle of the night I was all congested. I laid there for a minute weighing my options, when I realized that my heart was racing. Since, I could not breathe well, I thought I was having an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler, but I have not had an attack in years, so I thought I would check the expiration date before using it. I am glad that I checked because it expired last year!! Needless to say, I did not use it because I had no idea what would happen since some medications stop working and others get more potent after the expiration date. So, I took an allergy pill hoping that it would start to work soon and clear me up.

After that, I tried to calm myself down with deep breathing, but I just could not do it, my heart just kept on racing. My chest was tight and it was so hard to get air into my lungs. I started panicking and then my throat felt like it was going to close up on me. I drank some water, and tried to slow my breathing, but I noticed that I was starting to shake from being cold. Mind you it was like seventy degrees outside. This made me panic even more, so I got light headed. I put on the water for green tea and I laid down with a heating pad on my chest. I finally calmed down and the heating pad eased the muscles in my chest. I drank the hot green tea, and I felt like I was able to breathe better. After this, I could not sleep because I was afraid it would happen again. Thankfully, it did not happen again, but I was shaken up all day, and really tired since I had not slept.

I called the doctor in the morning, but he was not open on the weekend. So, then I called the pharmacist and convinced him to give me a refill on my inhaler. Even though I had no prescription, since I could not get in touch with the doctor until Monday, and I asked really nicely, he obliged. I felt a lot calmer after I got my hands on a new inhaler. It made me feel like I was more in control, just incase I did get a repeat of what happened in the night. I looked up anxiety attacks and I went down the list of symptoms and I had them all. I am not really sure if I woke up panicked or if I really was having an asthma attack. Whatever the case, I am trying to think positive and I recognize the fact that anxiety attacks can become a circular process where the person is always worried about when the next attack will happen. Since I have this knowledge, I am hoping that I can change the way I think to alleviate this possibility.

No word on Prudential yet. :(

2006-05-30T10:10:00.000-04:00

I have finally settled into being home and I am thrilled to be here. I have been spending time with my friends and family, which is nice. I went to one of my favorite Jersey Shore bars and saw a cover band. They were pretty good. I also went to AC with Eric and we saw Larry the Cable Guy and stayed over a night at Tropicana. It was really good show; I would absolutely see it again. Ron White is going to be there soon and he is my favorite Red Neck comedy guy, so I am going to check on tickets for that. Tropicana was great. They redid the entire hotel and casino, and they have a Havana Nights theme now. I was thoroughly impressed. At night the casino had live bands and dj’s in every little nook and cranny, so it was really awesome to walk around and take all of that in. The rooms were also really nice. The ambience of the hotel was great; my only complaint is that the staff could have been slightly more competent. Check in and check out was miserable, and getting around the hotel was slightly confusing because things were not marked well.

Last week I got a call from Prudential to come in for a job interview. I jumped at the opportunity because they pay well and the opportunity sounds exciting. I went on the interview and it went really well. I should hear back soon. I am excited about it because it would allow me to work one job this summer and not two (one legal non-paid, and one retail type paid job). If I do not get this job, I am supposed to start at DYFS on Monday. I am keeping my fingers crossed though.

Not much else has been going on. I have just been taking it slow and hanging around and enjoying the summer.

2006-05-17T15:23:00.000-04:00

I finished my last final today. It was not too bad. I think it was fair. My property exam from Monday felt like a train wreck though. There was this crazy fill in the blank section, where if you got one wrong you got the next five wrong. I am just hoping I pulled that off. It has been such a long haul. I can not believe that the year is over already. I am so relieved. It seemed like with each passing day my motivation was depleting. I just could not seem to keep my head in the game. I was just so burnt out. After the final I went out and had lunch and a stiff jack and coke. It felt great to be out and not feel guilty about being out because it meant that I was away from work. I feel like a thousand pounds has been lifted off of my back. Maybe I can get back to living a normal life and have a little fun. It has been a long time lol…hopefully I still remember how to have a good time. I am going to kick it off well though; I have plans for the race track and AC in the next week or so and I can not wait. I am so excited to be going home, but I am also really nervous about being back. I am sure it will be like I was never gone, but I am afraid that it will feel like some things have changed. Oh well. I will have to take it a day at a time and embrace it.

I am going to pack tonight and watch Lost. Hopefully at some point I have another drink or two to celebrate. I am no longer a 1L!!! YAY!!!! Then tomorrow morning I am going to hop in my car and get the fuck out of here. :)

Funny joke… well at least I thought it was funny, though my brain was fried from weeks of incessant studying…

I was talking to a friend who lives clear across the country and this was our interaction:

He said: “so…pretty soon when I get into trouble you can hop onto a plane and be here to represent me.”

I said: “as long as there is reciprocity.”

He: “So did you have anything fun in mind ~wink~ ~wink~”

I: “No, no, not that kind of reciprocity. I meant that when I take the bar I can only practice in states where I have taken the bar. But some states have reciprocity with one another.”

He: “…I am a tool aren’t I?”

I: “no…not a tool, you are just eager to reciprocate.”

2006-05-10T20:34:00.000-04:00

Two finals down and two to go! Criminal Law was on Monday. I made a few stupid mistakes that I know of, but I just hope I did well enough to get a decent grade. The test was two essay questions and we had three hours, but the essays were a pain in the ass. Contracts was today and I am thrilled it was over. My professor ran through SOOOO much information this semester that I am just thrilled my head did not explode when I was trying to memorize all of it. The test was four hours for five essay questions, and the time limit was tight. Someone must have pissed off the professor because he wrote a doozey of an exam with a crazy fact pattern and few trick questions. Law school professors are just really sick and twisted mother fuckers. I took the rest of today off. I needed it because I was becoming a fucking zombie. I have Property on Monday and Constitutional Law on Wednesday. Then I am heading home right after my exam. I can not wait because I am burnt out and I have had enough.

I have to be honest and say that law school has been the craziest time of my life ever. I have come to terms with not being the best student here, which took a bit but I think that everybody has to come to terms with not being number one at some point in life. It has been a humbling experience, nothing that I had ever imagined. Though some of the work has been rewarding, it has really tried me as a person. I have thought about quitting law school a few times in the past, but I am just a stubborn person and I know I would always regret giving up. I think that trying to cram all of this information into my brain really tried me mentally and physically, but I feel a lot better now that the finals are almost over and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I thoroughly enjoy doing the practical work that attorneys do; however, I hate the Socratic Method and how hard it makes law school and learning the law. In all honesty the law is not that hard to understand. If it was taught like everything else almost anyone would be able to handle learning the law.

Anyway, I am going to get going and heat up some food and get ready for LOST.

2006-04-28T11:36:00.000-04:00

Oral arguments went well. I wrote out my introduction and conclusion which was a mistake. I hate reading when I give presentations, but I was afraid that I was going to blank out, so I felt the need to bring it in with me. I guess it was really like a security blanket, but since I had it I started reading off of it because it was there. I am sure everyone knows how that goes. Normally I bring nothing but a few words on a note card because I really like to make a connection with my audience and speak off of the cuff. For some reason I was just too intimidated to do that this time. Oh well, I went against my better judgment and the judges let me know it was a mistake in their comments. However, that was the only negative comment that I was given. They said that I made excellent arguments, they liked the connection that I had with them when I was not reading the intro and conclusion, and they felt that I had a genuine passion for my client. They also said that I was one of the only people who managed to weave the record, cases, and the law together when answering their questions. They also liked my ability to politely disagree, or to concede on a point, but then further my argument in the same breath. I am glad that it went well, but I was down on myself for making the mistake of reading, I should have practiced until I had it memorized. I will not make that mistake again. At least my lawyering skills class is over. It was a full year, and I was definitely ready to put it to bed, especially since the teacher and I do not see eye to eye on anything. We just have an immense personality clash. We were just never meant to get along, so I thank God that we are graded anonymously on almost everything.

2006-04-26T01:08:00.000-04:00

Another one of my friends just got engaged. This time it was weird because it was one of my really good male friends. He moved away for a job, so I started to see less and less of him because it was hard to find to get out there to visit him. He is a teacher, and so is his fiancé. She is a little older; they met at the school where they teach. He seems really happy, so I am glad for him. It is just weird because this guy was always the perpetual bachelor, a total pervert, who was all about the sex and never about the commitment, and he actually found ways to make me blush with the stuff that came out of his mouth…which is a really hard thing to do because my sense of humor can be a bit punchy to say the least.

Anyway, life plays out in such interesting ways because seriously I never would have imagined that he would settle down before me, if he settled down at all. Sometimes I feel like everyone around me gets to grow up and live life, but I just remain here somewhere in limbo waiting for my turn to grow up. For me, it seems like law school is a detour to life. While most of my friends are getting married and starting families, I took the long road to adult life since I am working my ass off in school. I am sure in the end it will pay off because I will be in a rewarding career doing something that I really enjoy, and making good money while I am at it. I guess part of the sacrifice of going into such a demanding and specialized field is that you have to give up moving into leading a normal life and settling down and take it up a few years later after law school ends.

On the law school front, I got into the clinic that I applied to for the fall semester of next year. I am not sure if I have mentioned clinics or not in the past, but at my school clinics are offered each semester in a variety of places, some in house and some off campus. Basically you get a temporary license to practice law, and over that semester you work in the clinic with your own clients and run through the gamut of things an attorney would do for them. This ranges from client interviewing, to going to trial, to doing motions and appeals. I applied to and got into the Litigation Clinic. I was kind of surprised because they only took 10 people and they did not call me in for an interview, they just really liked my resume I guess. I am happy though because I love doing practical things and I think it will be a lot of fun to do hands on stuff, help real people, and get credits for doing it. Additionally, I know I forgot to mention that I made my schedule for next semester. I will be taking: Con Law 2 and Evidence (required courses – final exams) Intellectual Property (take home exam), Professional Responsibility (paper course), and the Litigation Clinic (practical Lawyering skills – 10 hours a week in the clinic – given a letter grade). It should be exciting. Now all I need to do is pass this semesters finals and I am good to go. ~sigh~ Easier said than done. I have been doing outlines and they are killing me this semester. It seems like we covered so much information that it is getting hard to keep it all straight and on paper. It is going to be a long three weeks.

2006-04-22T19:28:00.000-04:00

I have about a week and a half left of classes this semester and then two weeks of finals. I can not wait to get done with it and move back home for the summer. I miss my family and friends, and my boyfriend and I have managed the distance, and our relationship is strong, but it has been a long year and we miss seeing one another daily. A few weeks ago when he came up for the Spring Formal, he gave me a beautiful diamond and peridot (my birth stone) ring. It was such a sweet gesture because it was not for any specific occasion. If you glance at it quickly it actually looks like an engagement ring so people kept asking me if I had gotten engaged. I had to let them all down and tell them no. It is funny because if I got engaged, I would not hold out, I am sure everyone would know!

The interview in NYC that I went on was interesting. The attorneys were really nice, but I had a feeling that they wanted someone with more class work in the field of mediation. I got the letter yesterday informing me that they did in fact take someone in their second year. It was nice that they took the time to draft a letter and discuss things from the interview as opposed to giving me a form letter. I was not really upset about the job because I had already accepted the job at DYFS anyway. I just wish that job was paid.

I recently handed in my Appellate Brief for my lawyering class. It took me awhile to pull together, but I think I wrote it well. Hopefully all of the right arguments are there and it gets me a good grade. I have to do oral arguments next week which should actually be a lot of fun. I will be a little nervous at the start, but in the end I am a comfortable speaker so I should do well.

My allergies are bugging out this weekend with the cold and hot and the rain. I took allergy medicine but for some reason it is just not working. I can not stop scratching my eyes, sneezing, and blowing my nose. It is definitely not attractive.

I went to the movies this weekend and saw Thank You For Smoking, it was just fantastic. I thoroughly enjoyed it. With my PR background and a law degree in the works it kind of gave me a peek about what my future could hold, and sad as it is, I would be really good at it.

My best friend left for the army on Thursday. It was really sad. I miss him a lot actually. He called his mom today and talked to her for a little bit and told her how much he was enjoying himself. I feel a lot better about it knowing that he is enjoying himself. I should be getting a letter with his address soon. I can not wait to start writing him to keep in touch with him. I am really proud of him for doing something for himself.

...

2006-04-05T09:18:00.000-04:00

I turned down the public defender job because I was told it was bad to renege since the legal community is tiny, and I think the DYFS job would be more fun during the summer as it will be litigation work as opposed to all research and writing. The person that I dealt with was nice on the phone, although I think a little annoyed, which I understand. I am going to write a follow up letter today to thank them once again for their time and confidence in me. I just hate to burn bridges, but I can not work both places.

Yesterday I also got called for an interview in NYC. This company pays 800 a week to do arbitration and mediation work which I think is very cool, so I really want to go on the interview. However, I am torn because to go on the interview I need to miss three classes and drive 2 hours to the city and I do already have a commitment for the summer. The only thing that sucks about the position that I have is that it is unpaid so I will be summer associate by day and waitress by night, which is going to really suck because I will burn out quickly, but I need money to pay bills over the summer so I have no choice.

Oh well, the trials and tribulations of a law student. It could be much worse.

...

2006-04-03T23:04:00.000-04:00

I got the Public Defender job, so I am really excited. I never expected to get the job because the person I interviewed with said that they like taking second year students, and they prefer NJ students. I am happy that I beat out the competition; however, now I have to make a decision between the Public Defender’s office and the Division of Youth and Family Services. I have no idea what to do as of right now. Basically, it boils down to a job in family law working as a second chair doing litigation work in a very laid back office, or a job in criminal law working on research and writing in a very structured position. I am just so unsure of which job would give me the best experience. I do not know if litigation or writing experience would be the best bet. I want to take the position that would look best on the resume because I really want to have a paid position next summer and I know that having good experience will help me with that. Neither position is paid, so money is not a deciding factor. I am going to meet with Career Services to pick their brain about making a decision, and possibly get some guidance about what is the best path to take.

On a side note, I am going to the Spring Formal, so I have been searching for a dress. I found one that I liked, but I put it on hold because I wanted to scope out another mall. I have to go back tomorrow and try it on again and purchase it. It should be a lot of fun, my boyfriend is coming up to accompany me to the formal. I think we will have a good time.

Another exciting thing, I finish my heart monitor test tomorrow! Yay!!! It was a long two weeks being attached to wires all day, and I am thrilled to send it in and be done with it. I am scared that the results will be inconclusive, but I am trying to keep my head up and think the best thought that I can and pray for the best scenario. Besides, what will be will be, I can not change the things that I can not control.

I am back to reading…

...

2006-03-25T12:28:00.000-05:00

Got my memo back and kicked ass again. At least I know I can still write well, even though legal writing is a different creature altogether. I got ahead on my work for the week, so I am spending the weekend doing outlines to get them up to par. My teacher assigned our last big writing assignment, the appellate brief, however, she has not written the decision that we are appealing, so I can not start that yet.

I picked up the 2 week monitor on Tuesday. I was in the hospital for about 2 hours. One hour was spent with me waiting for my cardiologist to come to the phone. The asshole never differentiated on what kind of monitor he wanted me to wear, so the hospital was going to give me one that would only record when I felt a symptom, which defeated the purpose of what I needed done. So, the doctor finally got on the phone and told the tech what I needed. So, I have been wearing it for a few days, and it has only randomly beeped at me once. It made me nervous, but when I called it in they said everything was fine, my heart rate was just a little elevated. I am shocked it has not gone off in classes yet, but who knows. I am just praying that all goes well with this test and I do not need any further testing. I just want to go back to being normal and not worrying about my heart.

Last night, I watched Dr. Who, what a great cheesy British Sci Fi show. I am kind of addicted to it already. I also watched this new show Conviction about DA’s in NYC. It was really good actually. I highly enjoyed it. I outlined during commercials so I was somewhat constructive.

I went to WW this morning; I am now down about 14 pounds! Slowly but surely I will get there. :)

2006-03-15T12:46:00.000-05:00

I met with the rhythm specialist cardiologist this week. It did not go all that well. The dr. had no bed side manner whatsoever. He was dressed in a green surgical suit and the man shook like crazy and tapped his foot. He just could not sit still. Then he asked me if anyone had died suddenly in my family. I said my grandmother had died suddenly from a heart problem ay 77, but the problem was brought on by diabetes. So he said to me, “So your grandmother, she dropped dead right there on the floor in her house.” Dropped dead? Are you serious! I could think of a few ways to ask that same question without saying “dropped dead”. I admit at this point I was a little mortified and in my eyes his credibility was dropping fast. He moved on and said that all my test results were inconclusive but he noticed pre excitement in my heart rhythm. Apparently it is not a thing that is constant so that is why it is inconclusive. He thinks it could be brought on by stress, so he wants me to wear the holter monitor once again, but this time for 2 weeks as opposed to 24 hours! He proceeded to say that if this comes back inconclusive he wants to do a catheterization (they cut a tiny incision in your leg or under arm and feed a camera up an artery to the heart to get a better look at what is there). Meantime, if he sees this problem he can “zap it”. I said “Zap it doctor?” He said, yeah I just go in and zap it and the problem is gone. I asked him to clarify this in more professional terms, he said they use electromagnetic waves to isolate and kill the problem. I asked him what made him feel that I could have this problem and he said to me, so you know how to read EKG’s. I just glared at him and he showed me the EKG and explained. He then said you know 1 in a 1,000 just drop dead suddenly, so zapping the problem would be the best bet. This man is ZAP Happy. I do not think that I have the problem he thinks I could have, but I am going to do the 2 week test, then if it comes time to do the next step I will get other opinions before I let this man just zap away at my heart.

On other fronts, I interviewed with the public defender. It went well I think. The person I met with was so hard to gauge because the person had no expression, was totally stone cold. It was odd. Usually I can tell how something went, but this could have gone either way. Although, I was told that they were interested in me and that they would contact me in about two weeks, I really have no idea how it went. I have the other job to fall back on if this does not pan out, but I hope it does. I think it would be more interesting. We will see.

2006-03-11T02:28:00.000-05:00

I have not written in a really long time, and so much has been going on. Oral arguments were great. I kicked my opponent’s ass. I actually had a really great time. I did not think I was going to like it because litigation was never something I really thought about all that much because I am really interested in research and writing. However, I really did enjoy it and I think I would like to pursue a more litigious job than I had originally had in mind.

I took part in my first negotiation this week. The teacher made it almost impossible for us to settle and we realized this right away when my bottom line and his high end were so far apart. My opponent thought that I was going to be more cooperative, but instead he was thrown off because I was very aggressive in advocating for my client. He admitted that he underestimated me in part because I am a woman. He really thought I was going to be much quieter and more agreeable, but to his surprise I gave him a verbal lashing and never backed down. My teacher was also surprised because she slated me as more laid back. Which is true, but I am competitive by nature, and just because I am laid back in general does not mean that I am not a competitive person who will not back down from her clients goals. This was also an enjoyable experience, however, I really hoped to come closer to a settlement. I think that my opponent and I would have been more cooperative with one another if we saw any hope of coming to an agreement that would work for both of us. I think given the situation we did what we had to do and it was a good experience for both of us.

Afterwards I went to the bar with some of my section mates (which wound up being me and 5 guys) and we relaxed a little bit. We played darts in pairs, and my teammate and I got our asses kicked. It was fun though. I think we are going to try to set up a poker night for our section which would be pretty cool. The guys seemed interested.
I am on spring break now, which was highly needed. I do not think I could have handled many more weeks of school without a break. I was starting to go a little stir crazy

2006-02-22T18:47:00.000-05:00

Life has been hectic. The workload is ridiculous right now; I am just getting the work done with hardly any time for anything else. I have not outlined in a week or two, which is not that big of a deal, but I want to get caught up soon because I hate feeling behind. I have a persuasive memo due next week, and a property title search. It is going to be one hell of a week, but I have no plans for the weekend so I will spend it working on this stuff. I was out of class yesterday for a doctor’s appointment (I was having a problem with my eyes, things are ok though), and while I was out I got signed up to go first for oral arguments. That means I need to be ready to go for tomorrow. I am not upset about it because I can not change it, but I am a little annoyed because I was at the dr., I was not sitting around watching television and eating Bon Bons, and my section really had no right to put me down to go first. A big Fuck You to them for being obnoxious!

Today, I was on the spot in one of my classes. I did fairly well because the prof. moved on quickly, but I could swear that my vocabulary depletes by like 50% when I am being called on like that. I just can not seem to find the proper words. Oh well, it is over, so I will probably be in the clear for a little bit in that class.

I became a student ambassador today, which was pretty cool. They gave us pizza and talked to us about the program for a little bit. We get to attend school functions, alumni programs, accepted students day, orientation, go to the barristers ball, mingle with alums, incoming students, potential students, and accepted students, give tours, answer questions, and so on. It should be a lot of fun. One of the perks is that we get a ton of free stuff. Today I got a pen, a lapel pin, a shot glass, a big bound book with the history of the school, and a t shirt. Apparently when the admissions department gets new toys, we get them too.

Unfortunately, when I was talking to admissions, I told them that I would volunteer to talk to the incoming AAMPLE students to answer their questions and what not, but they told me that they had phased out AAMPLE. I could not believe it because it gave me a great opportunity and I thought it was really noble of the school to have a program like this. Apparently with the low pass rate, they decided that it was not fair to participants because so many of them paid money to participate and then could not get into the program (only 5 to 10 percent got in). They did say that they were thinking of forming a new program though, so I have my fingers crossed for that because admissions is so hard for people with low LSAT scores and these programs do open up doors that would normally be slammed closed.

Congrats to Latinlord for his first acceptance into law school and congrats to Anon who I helped out during the last admission season! You guys are going to law school!!!! YAY!!!!! :)

2006-02-10T08:47:00.000-05:00

The time has come where people in law school start reconsidering whether or not they really want to be attorneys. Most people stick with it, but some people walk away, which is good in some respects and bad in others. Lately I have noticed more people missing here and there (more so than last semester). One of my friends has been contemplating whether or not she would be a good attorney, and whether or not she wants to continue because she does not really like any of the required classes. I understand that the sheer volume of work, feeling overwhelmed all the time, trying to stay on top of the reading and class work, and the competitive nature of law school can turn a person off. I think it is normal to go through this inner conversation of whether or not you made the proper decision. It has been my experience that anyone who goes to law school does truly contemplate their decision at some point. I have honestly thought about it myself a few times. Something about this semester has been jarring for a lot of people. My classmates keep talking about a lack of motivation for this semester, and that they are tired of the work. It is easy to burn out in this kind of stifling self contained setting. The work is harder this semester, things are moving quicker, the readings are much longer, more is expected of you, and the stress can be unbearable. The people who told me that second semester would be easier are out of their minds.

I joined the legal fraternity last semester, and this semester they needed to fill a few positions, so I ran for one of them. Surprisingly I won, I never really thought that I would win the election because I am quiet and not a lot of people know me well, but I am excited that I won, and I think that it should be a lot of fun. I can not wait to start getting involved and planning things for the semester.

I have to go do some reading and get situated. My roommate is a juror in the moot court competition and I told her I would have an early lunch with her before my class and her competition started.

Anthony, sorry I did not get back to you in my last post. I am glad that things are going well for you. I miss hearing from you! Good luck with this semseter!

...

2006-02-01T20:19:00.000-05:00

I faced one of my biggest fears head on last night. I had to go to the ER. One of my roommates got ill and had to go to the hospital. So, my other roommate and I took her to the Emergency Room. My roommate drove and took her in. I had to park the car. I have never driven a large SUV, so it was interesting. I got to the parking garage, and managed to get that big ass thing in a spot, but the freaking key would not come out of the ignition. I must have spent 15 minutes trying to get it out. This annoying dash light kept coming on and blinking at me every time I tried to remove the key. I had no clue what the hell was wrong. Finally, I got frustrated and pushed the key in with force, well that let me turn it farther and it came out. I was so pissed that my other roommate failed to mention this to me. I have never driven a car where you had to push the fucking thing in to get the key out. So, I walked across the street by myself to the hospital and it took me a few minutes to build up the courage to walk into the hospital. The last time I was in the hospital I passed out, so I was really nervous that it would happen to me again. But, surprisingly I managed to stay on my feet the entire time (I was really shocked because we were in the ER room with her and not in the waiting room. And, towards the end of the night I was actually comfortable in the hospital. Hell, it was 3 am by the time we got to leave and if I had to stay much longer I would have fallen asleep in my chair.

For awhile it was touch and go, they were looking at some pretty serious stuff, but in the end, there was no life threatening issue and they told her there is definitely something not right in her stomach (they see it in the sonogram), and she needs to follow up with a doctor, but she should be ok. While she was getting testing done, I tried to read for some of my classes, but I just could not concentrate. I felt awful not knowing what was going on, and I just wanted to know she was going to be ok. I just thank God that everything worked out and that she should be ok.

The doctors and staff at the hospital were wonderful. Everyone was so nice and understanding. They really did a great job taking care of her and keeping her notified of what was going on. I was really impressed.

I have to go finish up work, and I am really tired. But, I would do it again without question. These people are my family here, and I will always be there when they need me...even if it means facing my fears.

...

2006-01-26T19:09:00.000-05:00

I secured a job for the summer working for a government agency. It is non-paid which sucks, but the experience should be great. I will be working with adoption, domestic violence, and the removal of children from unfit parents. I am going to have to do it part time because I will need to find a job doing something part time to bring in money over the summer. I am going to meet with the career center to see if they could help me find a grant or something for the summer. If I find something like that, then I can work full time without pay. I will have to see how things pan out. In the meantime, I still have a few resumes out at corporations, and I applied for a job today that I know I am never going to get at one of the top IP firms in NYC. Hey, it is good to dream big. You never know right?

Law school has been keeping me really busy. I am trying to be a lot more organized in note taking and class preparation. OneNote has helped me get things together. I really like it. I take my notes and brief cases while I read in Word, and then when I am in class I use OneNote to organize my notes. It is fantastic. I wish I had this last semester. It has the coolest features. I highly recommend it to law students or any professional who needs to keep their life in order.

On a side note my diet is working and I am still on track. I am pretty happy about that!

2006-01-17T15:59:00.000-05:00

The stress test went well, although the cardiologist was not crazy about the fact that my heart rate is higher than normal. Apparently a normal resting heart rate is from 60 to 80, and mine is from 80 to 100. He said he would have liked to see it go down lower, but that I would be ok. He also told me he wanted me to see a rhythm specialist to further check the high heart rate, but that it could wait until I come home for spring break. When the doctor walked in my heart rate was about 125 to 130 a minute, however, I was shocked because when I was running it never went over about 175. My blood pressure was also tested periodically during the test, and it stayed in check as I ran. The echocardiogram test results were good. The dr. said I have a slight mitiral (spelling?) valve problem, which is very common in women. He thinks that it could be a cause of some of the palpitations. They can medicate for this, but he said that the side effects of the medication are more sever and frequent asthma attacks and he feels that the risk of the asthma attacks outweighs the problem. So I am living with the palpitations and trying my best to ignore them.

I moved back into my apartment at school on Sunday. It was sad leaving home, but my boyfriend came with me so I had moral support. Today was the first day of my classes and they were not bad. I am trying to get back into the swing of things. I am really falling in love with Microsoft OneNote, it is fantastic. Speaking of computers, I am having a ridiculous time finding a laptop bag that will fit my laptop that is not too large. I really wanted the same one that I had, but they stopped making it and the one that they replaced it with does not fit my laptop in it. I checked a few stores to see if they had the old model still in stock, but they don’t! If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

I am going to make Green Tea and read for my Constitutional Law class.

...

2006-01-11T20:53:00.000-05:00

I went to the cardiologist today. I was told that I could have an extra group of muscles in the heart that could cause the electromagnetic pulses to travel along a different course. The doctor said that this is hereditary and something that you are born with. He further said that some people never have symptoms and other people have symptoms that are problematic. He also said that if I have this, I will have to keep an eye on my heart as I age because if my heart beat gets faster, or starts causing an arrhythmia, it could cause “A Fib” which in turn could cause cardiac arrest. From the research I did online (probably a mistake because it made me really anxious) this is a very rare ailment, and only affects a small number, also not many people who have it die from it. There are treatments some are medication, but if the problem is bad enough they do a catheterization….basically some kind of rod that they feed through the neck into the heart that implants something and fixes the electrical problem. Apparently this is done while awake. They said there are rarely complications or death that occurs from this procedure. This is a good thing, but the thought of going for a procedure, and spending time in the hospital scares the piss out of me. I just hope that the doctor determines that I do not have this. I had an echo cardiogram today (it is like a sonogram of the heart, with audio… very cool), and I have to take a stress test (running on a treadmill while hooked up to the EKG) on Friday. Hopefully after these tests the doctor determines that I do not have this syndrome. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Side note, I bought my books this week, and applied to a few more jobs. I am keeping my fingers crossed about the jobs. I really do not want to hear that (1) we do not take first year law students (2) we already did our hiring for the summer and can not offer you an interview. ARGH!!

Also, I started working with Microsoft OneNote as a means to take better notes. I really like the program. It also has an outlining component which is pretty awesome. I am going to give this a whirl at the start of this semester. I hope it is more effective than having a running word document that is like 60 pages for each class. Maybe more organization will help me be more effective in class and in understanding and applying the information.

Grades are here...

2006-01-07T13:24:00.000-05:00

Grades finally came in, and I am relieved because I am no longer left in limbo wondering how I did and whether or not I will be invited back. I got a B- in Contracts, a B- in Civil Procedure, a B+ in Lawyering (Writing and Research), a C+ in Property, and a C+ in Torts. I am a little disappointed in myself but I will just have to try harder next time. Property was definitely the hardest test that I took, and I hated torts, so I should be happy with the C +’s in those two classes, but I am not. I am going to have to try to be more resilient and put in more effort to bring myself up in class rank next semester. My goal for a job was never to work in a huge firm in NYC, but I wanted to be able to do well enough to get a decent job in a medium sized firm or work for a company, or in a bank. I hope that does not become impossible for me because I attend a third tier school and I am not at the top of my class. I guess my biggest problem is that I have not had a C since high school and it has me kind of bummed out that I got two C+’ s. I am not going to give up though; this will fuel me to put in more effort next semester. I am just going to work harder this time. My mom and dad saw my grades and they are proud of me, but I think they would be proud no matter what I got in my classes.

The bottom line is that I tried hard and I fell short of my personal goal, but I did well in the grand scheme. I got invited back, and I did well enough that I was not put into the second semester remedial class that the bottom 25% is entered into. The first semester is supposedly the hardest. I can go into the second semester with a better idea of what worked and what did not work. I can do better next semester, and I am sure that life as I know it is not over.

On a positive note, I lost 4.8 pounds this week. YAY, my diet is working!!! :)

On a not so positive note, my doctor said that my blood work was all very good, but that my holter monitor results are inconclusive. Apparently they did not see anything out of the ordinary based on the rhythm, but my doctor wants me to see a cardiologist because my heart rate is faster than the average person’s heart rate and they do not know why. I am going to have to call Monday and make an appointment with the cardiologist.

For now, I am going to be happy that I did well enough to come back and I am going to enjoy the next week or so that I have off from school before I go back and start working my ass off again.

2006-01-04T10:54:00.000-05:00

If the entire law school experience has taught me anything thus far, it is patience. When applying I had to wait weeks for the LSAC to process things that were sent out well in advance. I had to wait days for my transcripts to get sent out. I had to wait months for responses from school. And now, like everything thus far, I have been waiting weeks for my grades. I checked web advisor a few times a day to no avail. Then, yesterday I got a letter from my torts professor. Basically it was a summation of the test, and what people got wrong. This was the second test we took, so I can honestly say I really do not remember each and every thing that I put in each question. Overall, it looks like I did ok, but I have no idea because I do not know if these mistakes are what a majority of people put, or if they are what one or two people put. I have said before that I am not a fan of torts. I just want to know I did well enough to not have to take the class again!

Due to the letter, and my growing impatience, I called the registrars office and told them that I had contacted a few potential employers and they were interested in my grades, so I needed to know when we would be getting them. I was informed that they would be mailed out tomorrow (which is today). I asked her about webadvisor, and she said that grades for first year students are not posted on the internet!!!!! We have webadvisor, they just do not utilize it!!!!! That would have been nice to know three weeks ago!!!!! At least I know that my grades should be here by the end of the week or the start of next week. Hopefully I get them by Saturday because I have been putting off buying books until I get my grades, but I can not wait much longer to buy them. I am going to price out barristerbooks.com, which is a great site and see what their return and delivery costs would be and then go from there.

I have to buy a dress for a wedding that I have to go to on Sunday. It is an afternoon wedding, so I know it is not as dressy as an evening wedding. I am going to probably buy a dress suit for it and wear that. I could use another interview outfit anyway.

2005-12-31T13:57:00.000-05:00

I hope that everyone has a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year.

I have been watching the first season of Lost since I got the season DVD for Christmas. It has to be one of the best shows that I have ever watched. I am obsessed. I still have the last two episodes of the first season to watch, then I guess I will have to read the synopsis of each of the second season episodes because the second season is not over. Hopefully at some point, I can catch the reruns to that season. I can not wait to get up to date because the show continues in with the second season in a week or so.

I thought that I would get my grades today because they were taking webadvisor offline. I assumed that would be a great time to upload the grades. So, I got anxious and excited about it, however, they did not upload the grades. They must have taken it offline to update the software or something. Oh well. I am a little upset that I got myself excited about getting my grades for no reason, but there is nothing I can do about it. I will just have to continue to check everyday.

I joined Weight Watchers today because I gained a little bit of weight during my first semester of law school and I want to lose it because I am a brides maid in two weddings that are coming up and I want to look nice since I will be in pictures. I am going to try hard to stick with it, we will see.

I am off to continue watching the Law and Order marathon, and then maybe the last two episodes of Lost. It is so crazy having all of this time to relax without school work, but I definitely needed it to recharge for next semester.

2005-12-26T10:45:00.000-05:00

Happy Holidays! :)

Things have been hectic at home. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen cooking and cleaning to help my parents get ready to host Christmas Eve. We had about 20 people over. It was really nice. It came together well.

I went for my blood work, and I managed to give the blood without passing out. This is a big deal for me and I am proud of myself. The needle was in my arm for about 15 minutes because they had to take the vials with a baby needle. It felt like forever, but I just closed my eyes and talked to the technician. She was very sweet, a nice old grandma like woman. The following day I wore the Holter monitor for 24 hours. It was no big deal. Everything should be fine, I am pretty sure they will tell me that the palpatations are normal and they are brought on stronger during stress. I should hear back from all of the results within the next few days.

I still do not have my grades. I keep checking web advsor but they are not posted yet. Those should also be arriving soon. I am kind of taking the whatever attitude. I felt good about my finals. I did the best I could, and I feel confident. Though, I do not know how my peers did. Even though I feel like I could have gotten a B, if a majority of us felt that way, since the grades are on a bell curve, it means that I get the C. I wish they would just grade us on our merits, but I guess that would change the entire atmosphere of law school.

I have to get going, I am off to my aunts house today and I have to get ready.

2005-12-18T11:50:00.000-05:00

My doctor’s appointment went well. The doctor does not think that the palpitations are anything to worry about given my family history and the stresses that I have been going through in law school. However, to cover his ass, he is sending me for the 24 hour holter monitor again, and for blood work. Now, I could care less about wearing the holter monitor for 24 hours. But, having blood taken is an entirely different story. I hate getting that done with a passion. It should only be two vials, so hopefully I can keep my shit together and I do not pass out. Keep your fingers crossed for me because I hate going through the blood experience. Though, I have been telling myself that the worse case scenario is that I pass out…I will wake up again. It is not like I am never going to gain consciousness. ~sigh~ At least, after the blood and holter monitor test, as long as everything comes back ok, I know that I am a healthy young woman.

Anyway, I wanted to start applying for summer associate positions; however, I found out that most firms want your transcripts. Since I do not have these yet, I have been sending email inquiries asking about the firm, whether or not they take 1L applications, if they have a deadline for applications, and whether or not they would prefer my resume and writing sample now, and my transcripts as soon as I get my grades, or if they would prefer getting everything in one package. I would prefer to send everything in one package, but I do not want to miss any deadlines. Hopefully I get back some helpful and interesting information. Although, I have a feeling that some of these firms will not take 1L summer associates, and would prefer to take second year associates instead. Which, I do understand.

I put together an Excel Spreadsheet with all kinds of information about each firm, when I contacted them, what their responses were, an interview column, and so on. This should help me keep everything organized. :)

Enough for now, I am off to do some Christmas shopping with my mom.

Long Post...

2005-12-15T12:07:00.000-05:00

So the first semester of law school is over and I lived through it. All of those people, that told me that law school was going to be hard, were absolutely right. It really was a challenge. Most of the concepts are not all that hard to understand, but there are some concepts that are just ridiculous to try to learn, like the rule against perpetuities. But you struggle through those concepts, and at some point you just decide that you know it as well as you are going to, and you move forward into acceptance of the fact that there are some things that no matter how much or how long you study them, you will never fully grasp them. In the end it all works out, and you can thank God, or whomever you may worship, that the law is multifaceted, and if you hate the rule against perpetuities, as I do, there are so many areas of law to work in that you will never have to touch it again after you take the bar.

The hardest part of law school is the teaching environment, the rough work loads, and the fierce competition that you are faced with daily in law school. The Socratic Method amazes me because classmates snicker at one another, and even when a teacher is being mean no one dares say a word because you know if you do, you will be the whipping bitch for the next week. Sometimes the bitter sarcasm can be funny, well when it is not pointed at you, and sometimes it is so over the top that you are appalled. Like the time one of my professors was reaming this girl because she could not read the statute out of the book properly. He asked her a few times, yet she skipped words, did not start at the beginning, and never read from start to finish. The teacher obviously frustrated at this point because it had wasted about 15 minutes of class time, walked up to the girl, looked her straight in the face and asked her if she had a learning disability because she surely could not read. She looked up at him as if she were about to break out in tears and did not answer him. The class was utterly silent, for the first time ever you could hear a pin drop. He realized what he had said and saved himself with, “because if you do, it is a sin, but really you are just not able to read this, is there a problem?” Eventually she answered that she was not learning disabled (which was met with a sigh of relief from the class), and she eventually did manage to get through the entire statute somehow.

Interestingly, any law school that you go to will have an overwhelming amount of competition, well any law school that grades you does. I know that there are some schools that have pass/fail, and no GPA or class rank. I am sure those schools are not competitive because they do not need to be. However, most other schools that you go to will have a ridiculous amount of competition within your section, and with other classmates in general. I did not think that this would be true at my school, but it was seen in full force shortly after the semester started. I have heard of or seen people hide books from other students, confuse others on purpose in study groups, purposefully give people the wrong notes if they missed a class, and steer people wrong about the content of exams just to have other people get questions wrong. I did not get involved in these kinds of things because they seemed immature. This did not mean that I did not interact with other students because I thought they were immature. Do not get me wrong, I talked to my classmates, but I only really studied with a select few that I could call my friends. There are so many unique and awesome people in law school. You would think that they would be here to do their best and bond with their peers, but unfortunately, a lot of people only talk to you if they feel that they can use you for something. I realized this early on, when someone who knew my background latched on to me for the research potion of our memo.

Another interesting thing about your law school classmates is that they are the most gossipy group I have ever been in. Word travels quickly, and if you are not careful everyone knows everything about you. It is also somewhat like a soap opera because it seems like people start hooking up with and dating one another and then drama unfolds. For an intelligent group of people, the things that some of your peers do will amaze and mortify you.

Anyway, enough of that for now. I am going to regroup this month so that I can go back in full stride in January. I have a doctor’s appointment at 3:30 for an eye check up and to discuss my palpitations. I hope that everything is ok. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I have to go to the doctor’s office alone so I am nervous and experiencing a lot of anxiety since doctors make me extremely nervous. I just pray that I do not need to go for tests and that everything goes smoothly because I will be there alone, and I know that I will be super nervous. Wish me luck.

Everyone who has not taken their finals yet, good luck, and those that have, I hope that you did well!! :)

2005-12-13T21:01:00.000-05:00

I took my contracts exam today. It was the last exam of my first semester of law school!!! YAY!!!! I think I did well, but I really have no idea. It was easier than I thought it would be which makes me think that I could have missed something. Who knows though…for now, I am going to try not to worry about what my grades could be because there is nothing I can do about them, and God only knows how long it will be until I get them back. I am hoping to get my grades from them by early January.

It was a good semester over all. I felt like I finally got adjusted and into the swing of things and then it was almost time for finals. Hopefully next semester is easier and a little less stressful since I will know what to expect. I think it was hard for me because I never really lived away from home. So it took me a LONG time to adjust to having my family and friends so far away from me. As much as they are all pains in the asses, they really are my circle of support.

I am going to start sending my resume and cover letter out to places for summer employment. Hopefully something comes through for me. I would really love a paid position, but I will do what I have to do to gain some legal experience.

Tomorrow I am going to call my doctor and set up an appointment for an eye test. The insurance that I have will only allow me to see an eye doctor if I have a referral from my regular MD. If not, I have to pay for the eye doctor visit out of pocket, and I refuse to spend the money when I can just take the trip to my MD’s office. So, since I am pretty sure that my eye sight has started to falter because of all of the reading that I do in law school, I am going to try to nip it in the bud before it gets any worse.

It will be good to see the doctor because while I am there I can address the heart palpitations that I have been having. They started about two to three weeks ago and I get them more or less daily. I had a halter monitor test which ran for 24 hours and recorded each heart beat. I would think if it were something serious, it would have come up on that test, but I just want to make sure everything is ok. So, when I go in I am going to ask him how effective the halter monitor is, and whether or not I should worry about the palpitations. I had chocked the palpitations up to being from stress from finals, but I have felt it a few times since I have been home, so I am thinking that stress might not have been the reason. I just want to make sure everything is ok, and while I am home and need to see the doctor anyway, I may as well check about this too.

2005-12-09T15:47:00.000-05:00

To my surprise Property was the hardest exam I have taken so far. I think I did well, I knew the material, but I am not 100% sure about the future interest questions. Hopefully I did comparable to my peers. Though, it seems that everyone felt this was the hardest so far. The test did a very good job of covering more or less everything that we covered in class. Bailments, finders laws, adverse possession, future interests, rules against perpetuities, and so on. The test was multiple choice, and essay. I could have definitely done without the multiple choice and had more essays. I think I did well but some of the MC were phrased in a way that confused me. It always pisses me off when i form an answer in my head and then there are two close versions as options. Oh well. it is over, no time to dwell!

I feel good because another test is over, and there is just one more left…contracts on Tuesday. I am spending today relaxing (playing EQ, watching TV), and then meeting up with my section for a drink at one of the bars in town. It should be fun. Tomorrow I will throw myself into studying for contracts and hopefully hit the ground running.

I have to say that thus far, although I have no idea how I did, I feel pretty good about my efforts. I studied hard, and I understood a majority of the material. I am going to take my contracts test and then try not to think about my grades until I get them because worrying about them is not going to change a damn thing.

2005-12-08T23:25:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is my property exam. I am freaking out right now. I have been studying this shit all day. For the most part I like property, and it is not difficult to understand. Although, this future interest shit is fucking killing me. I started running hypothetical questions and I just kept getting them wrong. I am at that point where I just want to throw the book across the room and break something, but I know that would be counter productive, and with my luck it would bounce back and take out an eye or something. So I have controlled that urge. I am just really spread thin right now and getting so many rules against perpetuities questions wrong is making me nervous. My professor said that only like 12 or 15 points will be on future interests. I just kind of want to do well because I know it could give me a leg up on my grade since a lot of people have no idea what the hell any of the future interest problems are.

I am going to read over my outline and see what I remember and what I need some work on and stay awake for another hour and a half or so. I just feel a little helpless right now. I just hope to all hell that if nothing else, I just do average on this exam. I feel like it took me so long to adjust to being here, that I was unable to get into my groove with studying until it was too late. I would just like to know this stuff a little better….. oh well… I just have to have faith in myself and do the best that I can do.

One of my best friends should find out if he got into the warrant officer program for the army tomorrow. As much as I will miss him, I know this is what he wants and I hope it happens for him. Everyone send a prayer or a thought of good luck his way. Hopefully this happens for him. I know it means a lot to him. Good luck Mike!!! :)

Two down, two to go...

2005-12-08T10:15:00.000-05:00

The torts final went much better than I anticipated. There were 4 short answers worth 50% of the grade and one long answer worth 50% of the grade. I know that I did well on the 4 short essays (battery/assault, res ipsa loquitor, allocation of money for damages, and what jury instructions should be given considering the circumstances) but I am a little iffy on how I did on the long essay (negligence – duty, breach, cause in fact, proximate cause, damages, and in this case special relationship). We had a word count so I did not go into as deep of an analysis as I would have liked to and I think I may have messed up the cause in fact part of the question because I went with causal uncertainty because there was no actual way to prove the causal affect, it was just apparent that the inaction caused the problem, but if action were to be taken it is not certain that the situation would not have still happened, so the But for and NESS tests did not work. I do not think that I failed or totally dropped the ball, and I am happy with that because I really hate torts and want nothing to do with it again! I will certainly not be taking advanced torts.

After the test I went out for a little bit with my roommates. Then I came home relaxed, and watched a little bit of television, and played a video game. Today I am going to be studying for property, which I feel confident about, and Friday I will take the property exam. I am going to run through the examples and explanations book in the early evening and do all the hypothetical questions. For now, I am going to take a shower and then run over my outline a couple hundred times.

I can not wait till next Tuesday; I take my contracts exam and then drive home, where I will remain for a little over a month. It is going to be great to read a few novels and watch Law and Order marathons!

2005-12-05T16:04:00.000-05:00

I lived through my first law school exam, and I feel really good about it. The civil procedure exam was 40 multiple choice, 5 short answer, and 1 long essay question. The test started at 9 and I finished right before they called time at 12:30. I would have liked another 10 minutes so that I could address a few more issues, but I think I got most of the issues. I feel like I did ok overall, as long as the multiple choice did not throw me for a loop. I was confident about a good chunk of the multiple choice questions, but some were tricky, and I narrowed it down and made the best educated guess that I could. Overall, this was not a bad test to have as my first. Hopefully it sets the way for a good week. My next exam is torts on Wednesday, but I am not looking forward to it because I am not a fan of torts, and my professor is very intense. I know his exam is going to be killer, but I am going to just try my best, that is all I can do.

After my civ pro exam I went back to my apartment and saw that my parents sent me a package. It was really sweet. They sent me a package of cookies from my favorite bakery, some chocolate, and a card wishing me luck. It was very sweet and it meant a lot to me. I called and thanked them both right away. After that, I went out to lunch with my roommates and one of my friends in my section. It was a nice break. I am going to relax until about 5, and then start in on studying for torts.

2005-12-04T23:54:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to write briefly before I laid down. I am nervous about my first exam tomorrow. I studied hard today, and I do actually get a good chunk of the material. I just wish I had another few hours of concious time to get more things into my head. But, I know sleep is important before an exam so I am going to try to lay down instead. Actually, I am going to lay down and review some of the parts of my outline until I get tired and fall asleep.

The test starts at 9 am. I am going to be a mess until it starts, but at least it is early and i do not have to sit there and be anxious until the afternoon. The other good thing is that I will be surrounded by all the other 1L's going through the same thing. Keep your fingers crossed for me, and send good vibes my way. I will need them in the morning.

2005-12-01T20:37:00.000-05:00

Today was my last day of my first semester of law school classes. It feels good to be able to say that, but it means that finals are so close I can taste them. My stress level has been through the roof. It seems like I just can not get things done quick enough and memorized well enough. My peers seem so prepared and ready, and I am a nervous wreck. I am trying to keep everything in perspective, but I am afraid I am going to like give myself a stroke with the amount I am worrying. Honestly, I am just afraid I am not prepared enough. It is driving me crazy and taking a toll on my body. I just hope I do not get sick.

In actuality, I probably did well on my memo which means I should do decently in my lawyering class. I know I should do pretty well in civil procedure, well in property, ok in contracts, and I have no freaking idea about torts, it could go either way. I know there is nothing that I can do about my grades. I have tried my hardest and I am preparing to the best of my ability. Hopefully it is not too little to late because it took me awhile to find the best way to manage my time. Law school is different, it is difficult, and I am trying to embrace it, but it is hard to have the what will be will be attitude because everything comes down to your grade on one test. It is a little mind boggling and scary. I know I got through AAMPLE, and I try to keep that in my head as a reminder that I succeeded before and I should be able to succeed again. Hopefully it does work out for me.

My biggest fear is walking in to take the test, opening the test booklet, and having everything look foreign to me. I know the odds of that happening are slim to none, but it is still one of those nagging things in the back of my mind. My contracts teacher said that it is impossible to see every issue and create a perfect answer with the exam conditions. He said that a seasoned attorney would not be able to do it in the same conditions. I felt good about that. At least, he is not looking for someone to find everything and get all of the questions right.

My exam schedule is:
Monday – Civil Procedure
Wednesday – Torts
Friday – Property
Tuesday – Contracts

My goal is to go into exams as calmly as I can, not freak out, pass out, or throw up, and have confidence in myself and my abilities. Though, all of that is easier said than done.

2005-11-27T09:29:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone had a Happy Turkey Day! I know that I did. It was great to be home this week, though it feels like it has not been long enough. I did not have a car here which sucked because I wanted to see some of my friends and I was unable to because I had no transportation. However, as soon as I got home my allergies started to kill me, either that or I have a tiny cold. So, I have been popping Claritin and sleeping a lot! I spent a lot less time on outlines than I wanted to, but I did work my way through a lot. I have decided that I am not going to read for many of my classes this last week, so I am going to just focus on memorizing everything and running hypotheticals to get everything into my head. Quite frankly, I found most class time to be useless. It is very counter productive. The material is just something that you have to learn yourself and find a way to associate in your head in your own way.

At this point, I am just ready to get finals done and get home. It has been a long few months, and I am drained. I want to get my grades and just move forward. I am trying to go into finals as confidently as possible, and with as little stress as possible. I will prepare and do as well as I physically can, and then I will let go, and whatever will be will be.

2005-11-21T08:28:00.000-05:00

I have been working on my memo for about a week and a half. Today, I meet with my TA. Hopefully he helps me refine it and put it to bed without too many changes. It is due tomorrow by noon, so as soon as I meet with him tonight, I will edit it a little bed and then wash my hands of it. I have to admit that this is the most challenging thing I have ever written because my section got no real guidance. The two examples we did have available, were ones we were, “not supposed to really follow.” My teacher royally sucked at preparing us to write the memo in the proper format. I know this is law school and they are not going to hold our hands, but other sections got a lot more guidance than we did. Somehow I got shafted with the memo. I used one of my roommate’s handouts that she got from her teacher which helped me follow a structure. Especially since my TA is on Law Review, so he taught us citations different than they would be in the memo. It was really fucking ridiculous that we were led astray and then no one wanted to put us back on track. I emailed my teacher a few questions, but she was rather useless. She was vague and would not really ever answer in a manner that would be helpful. I can not believe that I am stuck with that dick head for another semester since lawyering is a year long class. UGH!!

I have slacked a little on my reading to get the memo up to par for tomorrow. I have to try to make up for it because it is my day in torts, so after contracts during my break, I have to spend a lot of my time preparing for the questions that will be tossed my way. At this point in the semester, I really do not care what other people think of me, so I will get through the material this afternoon and then just do the best that I can.

As for finals that are rapidly approaching, I feel utterly unprepared. The memo took up precious time that I could be outlining and studying. It is really frustrating how quickly the days are going by. I really have to get it in gear while I am home this week for thanksgiving and get all of the outlines up to the end. This should not be too difficult because they are all in varying stages of completion. I just hope I can pull it together enough to meet my expectations. I do not care to be number one. I just want to be the top 25%ish percent. Most of my reason for this is that I would like to go back home to work, and if my grades are not up to par that is going to be pretty hard since Albany is somewhat of a regional school. I think that if I do not do well this semester, then I might not go back to law school. There is no point in getting another 100k in debt if I will not get out making enough money to pay it off. Especially since I could stop what I am doing right now and get into a PR firm making 60 to 70k to start because of my stellar masters GPA and publications. So, I am trying to approach finals in a stress free manner by thinking this. Although, I would be crushed if I did not do well, I am going to try my freaking hardest. Admitting this to myself just makes me feel like I have something solid to fall back onto if I needed to.

I am off to class. Thank God tomorrow I come home. I need to see my family and my dog and be in my own element.

...

2005-11-11T09:25:00.000-05:00

I have been getting things on my agenda done slowly but surely. I have to finish off my memo and meet with my professor to discuss it by Thursday, and then I have until Tuesday to make any changes that come up during our meeting. Hopefully I can get it finished early and give it to our TA so he can review it before I meet with the professor on Thursday. I will have to see how it comes along. My outlines are shaping up, not as quickly as I would like them to, but they are getting there. Once they are done, I will study them repeatedly then run hypos. I think I am still in good shape for finals, though I did want all of my outlines updated already.

I wrote a response to a complaint and I really enjoyed that. It was fun to decide what allegations to admit to, which to deny, and which to say that we lacked sufficient information and knowledge to make a decision about the allegation. I can not wait to get feedback on it to see if it was done properly.

I know law school can be stressful and that some people decide it is not for them, but one of the people in my section might be dropping a class this late into the semester. This blows my mind since it is almost finals time and the person has a decent grasp of the material in that class. If you put this much effort into taking the class and studying for it, why not take the final and finish it. This is law school, hardly anyone gets all A’s. Sometimes you need to accept that you have 4 months to get it straight and that maybe you will never totally understand the material or be comfortable enough with it to feel that you are totally going to rock the exam. The class that the person is dropping runs over both semesters so you need to take the first part before the second (so they would have to take something additional next semester because they can not take part 2 with the rest of the section, or drop to part time status). Also you need to take this class before you can start taking electives. It just seems very bizarre to drop now, but I guess some people just feel like it is too much to work on five classes at a time and they need to drop because they are overwhelmed. Trust me, I am sympathetic, I do not have a full grasp on all of this material, but I try my hardest, and I know that I will do the best that I can. I wish this person the best of luck, and I hope they make the right decision for themselves.

Eric is coming to visit for our 3 year anniversary this weekend. It should be fun!

...

2005-11-04T10:10:00.000-05:00

Well November is here and the rush before finals has arrived. This weekend I am devoting to outlining and synthesizing the information that I have been taking notes on and trying to learn all year. Hopefully I can pull it together because by mid November I want to start running hypos for each class and start taking the professors old exams. I want this study pattern to work for me, so we will see. It is a lot of material to assimilate but I will feel a lot better when it is all on paper.

I finally got the name of my mentor. I emailed her and she emailed me back. She seems very nice. She works in family law. Hopefully she is able to help out with suggestions and tips.

There are so many things that I love about law school and so many things that I hate, but one of the things that I dislike most is how unrealistic some people are and how ungrounded they are. It seems like most of the people that I go to school with are rich snobs who have never worked a day in their lives. It really irks me that they could be so superficial and stuck up. They spend so much time gossiping that I have no idea where they find the time to study, and if I have to hear one more time, “My dad gave me money for this, or my mom bought me this, or I traveled to Europe three times last year,” I think I am going to freak out. Apparently I just do not fit in and some people are really bothered by that. I have no idea why, but they are. More or less they can fuck themselves if they do not like me because I do not have their background. It actually surprised me how much of a barrier this put up between me and some of my peers. Oh well, nothing I can do about that. I know I am a good person, even if they do not really value me.

Today is Eric’s interview. I have not talked to him but I hope it went well. He really likes the school district and he would start in January which would be great!!! I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Off to get ready for class.

...

2005-11-01T10:32:00.000-05:00

I was ahead on my work so I went out last night with one of my roommates. We went to her cousin’s house and gave out candy while he took his kids trick or treating. I had a lot of fun. Her family is very sweet. It was not like being home though because we get so many kids we sit on the porch with a basket of candy. Here the door bell rang a few times, but there were no rushes. The most unique costume I saw was a backwards man. The kid had his clothing on backwards, he had on a hat and glasses on the back of his head and came to the door and stood backwards. I had to glance at him twice. He got two candy bars for that!

I have no idea why, but I had an awful anxiety attack last night. I was pretty sure I was over these, but apparently not. I woke up at about 2:30 and I was just in an utter panic. My arms went numb, I was hot, and my chest was tight. I thought I was going to have a heart attack or a stroke or something. I tried so hard to calm down, but nothing I did seemed to work. It really freaked me out. I actually wonder if it had anything to do with eating all of that chocolate last night since I tend to stay away from most caffeine in a normal day. Either way, I hope it does not happen again, but I worry that it will. It is such a vicious cycle. The more you think about and worry about things like that the more they happen. So far today, my day has been full of anxiety as I have been waiting for another attack. I keep trying to calm myself down and that it is over, but subconsciously I really think it is eating at me. There is one month left and I need to pull together and focus my energies, I can not have this killing me now.

...

2005-10-28T15:28:00.000-04:00

I got my Civil Procedure Mid Term Exam back today and I got an A-. The grade does not count into my final grade, but it helped me gauge my ability and understanding of the course. It was nice to get a law school exam that my professor graded with feedback. I feel good about law school right now. I may suck at multiple choice exams, but I know how to write essays, luckily most law school exams are essay based. Anyway, this totally makes up for the grade I got back yesterday on my Lawyering exam. Since that exam was mostly multiple choice and she did not give us the right answers, I am going to go to the professors office to inquire about the right answers and see if I can figure out why I picked the wrong answers.

...

2005-10-27T23:03:00.000-04:00

I had a crazy week. It seemed like out of nowhere there was so much work due, and like anything else, it all seemed to be due at the same time. So, I spent most nights up well past my bed time. Sleep is over rated anyway, especially in law school.

I got my grade back on the midterm from hell. I did better then I thought I did, however, I missed the average grade by one point. I was really upset about it, but I know I did the best I could. I studied for it hard, and I just dropped the ball. Multiple choice have never been my thing, apparently I did not miraculously get better at them. Hey, I can dream right. Anyway, I struggled with inferiority since I am below average, albeit one point below average, but it is still below average no matter how you look at it. I know it is not a big deal because it is not a huge part of my grade, but it freaked me out. I know that everything will be fine. It is one test and it is not the end all be all, but I am just disappointed in myself, which is the worst kind of disappointment. ~sigh~

I hope that next week is a better week. I am going to go read a case or two for civil procedure before I go to bed.

...

2005-10-21T09:27:00.000-04:00

Too bad all midterms are not like my civil procedure midterm. I actually did really well on it without the Rules of Civil Procedure book that we were allowed to bring in. In a hurry to get to my classes, I left the book at my apartment! I thought I was going to fail it because I did not have the book to refer to, but to my surprise my studying paid off and I knew what most of the rules and statutes were through memorization! I will get the graded test back on Wednesday. I am expecting to do well, but I know that I will probably be docked a few points for not referring to the exact wording in the rules like I could have if I had remembered the book. Too bad this test does not count in my grade at all. Although, it made me feel good because I felt like I got it. It made me feel like I am learning and understanding. Now I just need to keep it up.

I am participating in the Phi Alpha Delta bake sale and the Halloween party next week. They should be fun events! For the bake sale I am going to bake a couple of batches of cookies and maybe some brownies. For the Halloween party, I think I will probably be doing face painting for the little kids who come to trick or treat at the law school. It should be a good time. I am really glad that I joined PAD because I am meeting a lot of fun and interesting people.

I am going to try to have all of my outlines up to date by next weekend. I will feel awesome when I can say that they are all caught up. It will also make me feel like I have a better handle on some of the fuzzy material, and it will give me a chance to really look at the things that are not clear to me.

I had my first dream about the rankings two nights ago. Apparently, it is weighing on my mind. I want to do as well as I physically can, but I am realistic. I know I go to school with some very smart and competitive people. I will be happy as long as I do my best. I am kind of afraid of failing out because I know that some people do fail out, but I keep telling myself not to worry and that I am not going to be one of the people that fail out. I am doing as well as I can, and hopefully it is well enough in the end!

The Hell that was the midterm is beind me...

2005-10-18T18:33:00.000-04:00

Teacher: Time is up, pencils down. Take a deep breath, it is over. The time constraints were rough weren't they? Just remember even if you only get 10 right, it is averaged in with all of the other things you do for this class to get your final grade.
Translation: I really fucked you guys with this test to teach you the time constraints of test taking in law school when I gave you a 42 page supplement and 55 minutes to take a 29 question test. Oh yeah, and by the way it is going to bring down your final grades.

ME: ~sigh~
Translation: Suck my balls.

~~~

I know it has been awhile...

2005-10-17T14:27:00.000-04:00

since my last post, but I have been pretty much taking part in the daily grind of getting my reading done, spending time outlining and studying, and working on projects. For the most part things seem to be going well. I got some of my group project grades back from my lawyering class and we did really well. I am not sure if most groups did as well as we did or not, but we really kicked ass. To my surprise, we only got one or two wrong per research path!

I have been spending time studying for my lawyering midterm that is tomorrow. I hope that it goes well, but I hate multiple choice questions, and that is all that is on the test. I know a good chunk of the material, but I am going to spend the rest of the day going over and over it and hopefully I solidify the rest of the information. I also have a Civil Procedure midterm on Wednesday, but that one will not count in my final GPA. It is just to let us know how we are doing. I spent time this weekend outlining for it, but I have a little more to do still.

My God parents came down to visit this weekend. It was a lot of fun. I took them out to Saratoga, we walked around, went into the stores, had lunch, rode the carousel, went to the race track, and gambled on the slots. I won $140, which was very nice. I also took them on a quick tour of the school, which they enjoyed, and then we went to diner. The following morning I met up with them for breakfast before they left. It was really nice to see them and spend some time with them. I felt guilty because I knew I had two midterms to study for, but I took the time off because I knew they came out to see me and spend time with me, not explore the area on their own.

Eric passed the Praxis! Each state has a different amount of questions that you must get right in order to teach in the state, he did so well that he could actually teach in any state that he desires. Now he just needs to get through the rest of the semester with his student teaching and he will be good to go. I wish I was home to celebrate with him, but unfortunately it was not in the cards. I am thinking of going up this weekend, but I want to make sure I get through my work first.

Wish me luck on my tests! :)

...

2005-10-06T14:52:00.000-04:00

Law School is a large enough pain in the ass without having to take this shitty Into to Lawyering class. And, in all honesty it would not be so bad if it was somewhat useful. However, it is a useless class that takes up the most time. We have the most retarded projects and we get quizzed after almost every chapter we read. To make matters worse, the professor who teaches the class gets off on asking trick multiple choice and true/false questions. It is just ridiculous. We are all adults here; I have not had a true/false question since I was about 10 years old. This just blows my mind. I am paying a ridiculous amount of money to sit here and fuck around with trick quiz questions. It is really like a freaking joke. I thought multiple choice questions were bad, I had no idea they actually had the balls to ask true/false questions in law school.

The lecture that I sat through today was overtly painful. We are not morons. At this point in life we should know how to research. We do not need an entire class to walk us through researching in paper and online. It is like baby steps for legal research. I just sit here and want to bash my skull against the desk a couple hundred times until I black out. I do not need a walk through about how to research and how to use Boolean terms. I do not need to be told that you start researching in a broad manner and work your way to something narrow. I do not need to be told that we should use the word AND to link search terms, or that we should search for cases that match up with the facts in the clients situation. It just irks me that I have to sit through a semester long class that revolves around the basics of legal research. It is going to be a damn long year! UGH :(

...

2005-10-03T00:38:00.000-04:00

I apologize that this post skips around a lot, but I have not posted in awhile and I have a lot to cover!

This week was not a bad week. I got my first memo back and I owned it. I was shocked because I had to dig through the pile of graded memos to get to mine and there was like a hundred markings on most of the papers that I flipped through before I got to mine. However on mine, there was two minor corrections and the teacher told me that I did a great job. She liked my analysis and my description. It made me feel competent for the first time in weeks.

One of my most Socratic professors really freaked the class out this week. It was crazy. The professor randomly called on a person in my class. Instead of faking his way through, he admitted he was not prepared without even trying. The professor freaked out. Started really yelling at the kid, and was in his face. He said it was unacceptable and he would not tolerate anyone else being unprepared. He said the next person who is unprepared will be dropped a letter grade, and if another person is unprepared after that he will drop them from the class. I am not sure if he can follow through on those threats, but I will tell you one thing, I am sure not going to find out, and I pity the person who does not take this guys threats seriously.

I joined Phi Alpha Delta (legal fraternity/sorority thing) this week. Orientation is on Thursday. It should be exciting. I figured that this would be a great way to take part in an organization, network, make friends, and use it as a nice addition to my resume. I asked my roommates to join with me, but so far none of them have joined. I know it is a national group that is present at most law schools, so even if I transfer out of here, I can still remain in PAD.

I also finally signed up for BarBri last week. The rep was great. She was able to answer my questions about taking the bar in both NY and NJ. I paid the deposit and she gave me this huge book with first year outlines and hypos to help me study for finals. She also gave me this little id card type thing that will get me into first year review courses. I was really excited that they offered that. Apparently they help get you through law school, and then help you pass the bar. I know that the review course is probably just going to even the playing field because I bet most 1L’s attend these, but either way I assumed that every little bit will help me prepare for finals.

Eric came up for the weekend. It was awesome to see him. We had a really nice time. He got here about 7:30 on Friday. We went for dinner at an awesome Italian place. We took one of my roommates with us; it was a lot of fun. We came back, and socialized with the other roommates then we went to bed. The next day we got up and vegged out and relaxed for a little bit and then we went to an alumni picnic and rugby event at the law school. It was $10 to get in, that price included free food and beer, and a live band. We had a nice time watching the band and chatting. They played a really good mix of music. I added my name to their email list. I would like to see them in concert again. In the late afternoon, we went back to my apartment and did some work. Then we went out for dinner. He had a lot of work to do when we got back so I laid down to read and wound up falling asleep.

I finished my property outline today. I have a midterm this week (not graded) to help us determine how we are retaining the information. I feel pretty good about the material so hopefully the midterm just solidifies this for me.

I am going to go to bed. It is past my bed time!

...

2005-09-28T09:13:00.000-04:00

One of my professors took the time out of class to scare my section. She talked about competition and grading for about 30 minutes. I looked around the room and everyone had the most awful looks on their faces. It was like impending doom. We all knew this to be the truth, but it was odd hearing it come out of our professor’s mouth. The teacher told us that a C is the average because that is the grading curve here. She said that we need to understand it and get used to it. She also said we have to compete fiercely for the A or B. Though, not many of them are given. Though, she did say what comes around goes around, so we should still help one another, and not hide books and things like that. Then she tried to lighten the blow when she realized that everyone was mortified, so she told us that we are all intelligent people and that here the C is like the A or the B in undergrad. That did not make us feel any better.

I still hope to be in the top 25% of my class, but who knows. I am going to try as hard as I can, but in the end, I can only do so much. Ideally I would like to do well enough to transfer out of here and to a school a little closer to home, butI like it here, so if I had to stay for the next two years I would make the best out of it.

Anyway, yesterday the person who told the teacher she was intimidated got rode again. I knew he was going to do it. I felt bad in a way, but that is what you get for admitting that you are intimidated. Especially to a prof. who obviously gets his kicks from embarassing people and making a joke out of their strugglings.

...

2005-09-26T00:29:00.000-04:00

Last week, in my torts class, the professor gave us a hypothetical to write and turn in. He reads through them before class and picks a few to put on a projector and then he works through the good and bad with us. Well, the hypo that he posed last week was about a blind woman training for a marathon. While running in the park with her Seeing Eye dog, she accidentally runs into an old man and knocks him down. As a result, he is harmed and needs a hip operation. He sues for negligence. The question posed was whether the jury instructions should be “how a reasonable person would act in the circumstances” or how a reasonable blind person would act in the circumstances”. I made an argument for the blind person version that encompassed fairness, policy, and ascertain-ability. I was sitting there reading along with the professor when he put up a persons answer that had me laughing out loud. They argued for the reasonable person version, but on the grounds that if we gave in to the blind people now, the “blind would take over the world and run a muck and never be liable for anything”. He went on to close with “God help us the day we do not hold the blind people negligent for their actions.” The professor said that he knew the argument was weak once he saw, “God help us the day…” I was mortified. I think that if this is the way my classmates are reasoning and thinking, then I am going to be going to Harvard next year!

Interestingly, one of my classmates did something that I never thought I would see in law school. One of the prof.'s was asking her about a case, and she either did not read, or read but not close enough to answer the prof's questions. Well he said to her in front of the class that she was not prepared and it was unacceptable. He was being a real ass, but that is his job. After class she went up to him and told him that she read, and he was just really intimidating. I was shocked. Give me a break. The entire point of the socratic method is to teach us to think and reason on our feet. They drill you to weed out the weak and to toughen up your outer layer of skin. By telling him he intimidated her, she is admiting defeat. What happens when a judge gets on top of her, or another attorney intimidates her? Does she tell her client, I am sorry, I am flustered and I can not help you? Hell no, you suck it up and put on the best show you can! In my opinion she made a mistake becuse if I were that prof. I would ride her for the next few weeks because I would know she was easy prey.

Anyway, Eric was sick this weekend, so he did not get to come down to visit. I was kind of sad about it, but I kept busy. I did a lot of work for classes, and spent time outlining and getting things situated for my classes. I also spent a good deal of time working on editing a novel for a client, it was interesting.

...

2005-09-21T23:42:00.000-04:00

Law School has pretty much consumed my life, but slowly and surely I am getting the hang of it and learning how to play the game. By no means have I mastered the game, but I am starting to figure out the best way to assimilate the information and understand it. Though, on occasion I still contemplate quitting and going home because it seems like every few days I am sick here. I think I either have one wicked virus I can not get rid of, or I keep getting little bugs because I am living in a new area and my body is trying to adjust to the area while dealing with massive doses of stress. However, I just do not think I could be happy back at home after I worked so hard to get here. It just does not seem like the right thing to do, I think I would always regret it. Besides, I am enjoying the area and adjusting to it, and I really enjoy the school work. Though, I could do without the drill sergeant like teaching methods.

I got a little ahead on my readings last week so that I could go home on the weekend. I spent some quality time with Eric and my parents. I had not seen any of them in about 2.5 weeks, so I was thrilled to be home. This week has kept me really busy and I have not really been able to get ahead. Eric is supposed to come up to visit me, but he has a bad cold himself, so I do not think I will get to see him this week. But, I would rather not catch what he has since I have my own things to deal with here, if he is sick I would rather he stay home and rest and come to visit the next weekend. Things are going well for him, challenging but well. He is learning and adapting to the kids that he teaches. It is sweet and cute to hear about. I am sure he will do in the end, he has such a passion for teaching it amazes me. I wish I were that passionate about the pursuits that I make. He just makes me feel like he always knew teaching was a perfect fit and there is nothing else he would even think about doing. Maybe one day, when my first year is buried in the past, I will have that kind of passion for my profession.

One of my friends got engaged this weekend. She asked me to be in her wedding. That means I will be a brides maid twice in a 5 month span. I could not exactly say no though. So, that means I am in a wedding in June, and then again in October. They were both making fun of me for being the one in the group that is not engaged and getting married in the next year. They called me an old maid. I told them, that I may be an old maid, but I will be a rich old lawyer maid, and when their marriages go south because they married so young, they are going to turn to me and ask me to help them with the divorce. That shut them up and got them off my back a little bit. ~sigh~ always the brides maid never the bride! Seriously though, congratulations to them both, I am very happy for them! :)

I am off to bed. I am very tired, I just spend like 2 hours working on blue book citations....oh the joys of law school.

2005-09-11T09:57:00.000-04:00

I got through property, contracts, and lawyering last night. I also spent a little bit of time making flash cards for property. My goal is to have flash cards for all of my classes within the next two weeks. I was really glad that I had a little bit of time to get them started. It makes me feel like I finally have some time to start putting all of the information together to see the big picture.

Today I have to do Torts and Civil Procedure, then I will go back to making flash cards. But, I also need to spend about two hours out doing errands today. I am going to go food shopping, pick up a perscription, and then go to linens and things and pick out shelving for the apartment. We have so much food, but not enough cabinet space. Hopefully, this alleviates some of the problem.

I am off to start my day.

Busy Week...

2005-09-08T19:31:00.000-04:00

What a week!!! I spent hours in the library researching the topic of student to student harassment where the harassed student has a disability. The project that this was for was somewhat odd because we were given no facts other than what I stated above, so I had to more or less dive into a ton of information to try to find some relevance without having any solid facts. It was not the easiest thing I have ever done, that is for sure. Although, I actually enjoyed the research process, but then again, I was the freak who enjoyed doing all the research for my master’s dissertation too.

Spending all of that time on the research project caused me to fall behind in a few of my classes, but I plan on spending this weekend on pulling it all back together and getting caught up. I can not wait until I have the time to actually start getting ahead on my work. I know that it is probably not likely that I will have time to catch up and get ahead, but I am going to give it the best attempt that I can.

I sent one of my professors an email and instead of answering me back, he made me tell the class what I asked him in email and then he proceeded to get on my case for the question and the fact that I emailed it to him. I was mortified. That is the last time I ever email him to ask him something in confidence.

Eric started his student teaching this week. I wish I could have been there for him. I know it was an exciting, nervous, and trying week for him. I know he understands and supports me going to law school, but I would have liked to see him and to sit down in person and talk to him about what he is doing and how his week as a teacher has been. This Friday he needs to go to the freshman dance because his hosting teacher was assigned to the event and each event his hosting teacher is assigned to is something that he is also assigned to. I was thinking of going home this weekend and attending with him, but apparently he is not allowed to bring guests. I am sure he will have a blast, and it will be a great way to get to know the kids, and to experience extracurricular activities.

Oh, also another exciting thing happened this week! I was offered a job! I am really excited because it is a job that I can do from my computer wherever I am. I will be editing papers, theses, resumes, book chapters, manuscripts, and scholarly articles for an online company. I will make half of what the job retails for. This is like the perfect job for me while in law school. I sent the contract in today, hopefully I hear back from them with all of the details soon.

My law school had an auction to fundraise for the Katrina Relief effort. I bid $45 on a printer. I was going to give it to my sister because she was complaining that she wanted a photo printer, and that is what this one was. But, when I told her about it, she informed me that she had found a printer and camera that came together that she wanted for her birthday. Oh well. If I win it, I can use it because my printer is old and chugging along, so it would be nice to have a newer faster printer. The last time I looked my bid was the highest, but I did not go to the auction because no one that I knew was going. I was a little bummed about that, but oh well. I am sure if I won it, they would get in touch with me to collect the money.

I am off to do Civil Procedure for tomorrow.

Holiday Weekend

2005-09-05T19:14:00.000-04:00

I am so sad that this weekend is over. I was having a nice time with my family, despite feeling ill. I went to the doctor and he decided that I either have a viral infection which they can not do anything for, or mono which they can not do anything for. He came to this conclusion by checking my ears, throat, lungs, heart, blood pressure, stomach, and lymph nodes. He then asked me a few questions and did a throat culture for strep throat. I think that the culture must check for other illnesses as well, but either way, it came back negative with the strep, and he decided it was mono or viral. So basically, whatever I have has to run its course, which sucks. I just want to be better. I know he did his job, but I feel like he had to have misdiagnosed me because I had mono before and I was bed ridden with a very high fever for about three weeks. Whatever I have this time, is making me tired, but I do not have a high fever like when I had mono a few years ago, and I can get up and do things. The highest fever I had this time was 100.1, which is low grade, and for the most part my temp has been normal or in the low 99’s. My mom assured me he did not misdiagnose, she told me that I need to learn to have faith in people. But, for some reason that is a really hard task for me. I just can not seem to put a lot of faith into people, especially doctors. For some reason I just do not really trust them. Well, whatever this is, I just hope to god that it does not get any worse because I have a ton to do this week.

Even though I was not feeling well, I went to Eric’s Grandma’s 85th birthday this weekend. I bought her a nice flower arrangement. She really liked it. I talked to his family a little bit, which was nice because I have not seen them in awhile. It is sweet, they are all really proud of me, and kept telling everyone that I just got home from my first few weeks as a law student. Although, I feel like his mom hates me most of the time because we clash, they are really actually very sweet and thoughtful.

We also threw my mom a 50th birthday party which turned out to be a blast. The food was great, I was going to bring some back to my apartment, but I did not get a chance to pack any of the food. My sister and I made a penis cake that turned out to be hysterical! Everyone was laughing pretty hard. Do not worry though; we also got her a bakery made sheet cake, so the penis cake was not the only cake she got on her birthday. My mom seemed to have a good time, so I was happy for her. I miss her and my dad already.

We moved my sister back into her dorm room today. It actually went pretty smoothly. She is so organized it is amazing. She seemed to have everything in order and ready so that it is easy to get out of the car and put together. After that I met my roommate and took the trip back up to Albany. We made great time, but it was sad. Eric dropped me off at the meeting point. I was upset having to leave him once again, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it. This is the path that I chose, so I have to suck it up. It just feels like every time I leave him or my parents I can not help but cry for a little bit. I just miss everyone so much while I am in Albany. I hope that it gets easier to leave them as time goes on, but I doubt it. They are just so integral a part of my life that I feel hollow without them all. At least law school keeps me busy and I do not dwell on missing them that much. Hopefully it keeps me busy and I do not think about being sick because that could probably drive me crazy.

I just also want to say how proud I am of my best friend Mike. He took the ASVAB for the military and scored unbelievably high. He wants to become a warrant officer, and he scored above and beyond what is needed for that. I was so happy for him when I found out. I told him he could do it if he put his mind to it. I am kind of worried because I do not like the idea od him joining the military and going to war, but if this is what he wants I stand beside him. Congrats Mike!!

Well, the holiday is over, I need to get my head back in the game. Wish me luck and send healthy thoughts my way.

...

2005-09-02T09:38:00.000-04:00

The situation in New Orleans is sickening. My heart goes out to all those that are stuck there and all of those who lost someone in Katrina’s wrath. I thought that things would be moving along smoother since we are a part of the US and we seem to help everyone else so freaking fast. Apparently I was wrong though. It seems like everyone was so lackadaisical about getting those people help and getting things done for them. I feel like the president is being useless (big surprise). He cut his vacation three days short to come back to Washington to help! Wow, how very nice of him. He came back and has done dick to get things up and moving quickly. People out there have turned on one another in the stress as hope dies out. It is just a sad situation, the looting, car jacking, raping, and random sniper shots at other evacuees is just an awful way to compound an already disturbing situation. It is just really sad, and I hope that aid gets to these people soon.

On the law school front, I dealt with the Socratic Method first hand this week. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. The professor drilled me for about fifteen minutes but I was able to answer all of his questions so he got bored of me and moved on. It must be more fun for them when they are able to be sarcastic and bitter, and make a person feel like an ass in front of their peers. Thankfully I was prepared to deal with his questions so he was unable to belittle me.

Unfortunately, I am sick once again. I think the stress of being here is taking its toll on my immune system. Everything was fine until Wednesday when I woke up with swollen glands and nausea. I grew concerned because the glands behind my right ear and on the back or my head in that area grew swollen and painful. I had a very low temperature on and off, but nothing big. I have been getting up and going to classes and doing what needs to be done. But, I have been concerned about the lymph nodes in my head being swollen. I am going home today, so I am going to try to make a Dr. Appointment for early evening. I have class from 12 to 1:50, but I think I am going to go only for the first hour and then leave for the doctor, because if I wait too long, I will sit in memorial day weekend traffic and miss the appointment. I am going to call after I post this to see what time they are open until. I just want to get it taken care of and get on antibiotics if that is what I need to feel better.

...

2005-08-29T18:49:00.000-04:00

I lost control today and raided the cookie jar when I got really frustrated reading civil procedure. It was pathetic and I am mad at myself for having to find comfort in food! I fluctuate in weight, which is frustrating to me to start with. It really sucks to be a female and not be tiny to start with, but that is a rant for another day. I was eating crap the last two weeks and I know that I have gained a little bit of weight. I can feel it in the way my pants fit. So, I decided that this week I would try to get myself into a pattern of eating healthy and exercising. It worked well until I got to lunch and the only thing in the house was the left over baked ziti. I ate a little bit of it, but then I went outside and walked a mile, so I felt like everything would equal out. Then my roommate that cooks went out, and it was just me and my roommate from NJ. Well she decided she liked the ziti and wanted it for diner, so what did I do, I ate the fucking ziti. Then I started reading civil procedure. Got stuck on a case, and freaked out. I just went into the kitchen ad grabbed a handful of Nutter Butter cookies. I just feel like ever since I have been here, all I do is read, eat, attend class, and sleep. I feel like I have gained a hundred pounds and I am miserable with myself and over my lack of healthy food choices, and my lack of will power. ARGH!!!!!! Tomorrow will be a better day, I will get myself on track!

...

2005-08-28T19:45:00.000-04:00

This weekend kind of sucked, but I did get a lot of work done. Once I finish my Lawyering homework tonight, I will just have to do civil procedure, which is not due until Wednesday. My plan is to get it done tomorrow and then try to start next weeks work to get ahead for the holiday weekend. My goal is to be able to bring home as few books as possible for the holiday weekend. I want to just relax and have a good time. We are throwing my mother a 50th Birthday Party, so it should be an exciting weekend!

Yesterday, I caved in and bought a back pack. I have been having trouble carrying my books to class on the days when I have four classes. I was originally carrying my binders in my hands, along with the books that would not fit in my messenger bag. However, the books are so heavy that they would start slipping out of my hands, and I was killing my back. My laptop alone in my messenger bag weighs a ton. Adding the books in was just killing me. I decided that I would buy a big back pack and put some of my books and binders in there to free up my hands, and keep carrying the messenger bag with my laptop in it. I am going to get to school early and drop my back pack in my locker, and just take what I need from class to class. Although, I may look like a pack mule, at least I will not be killing my back.

I cooked Baked Ziti for my roommates tonight. They loved it, but I am a little concerned that I did not bake it for long enough and that the egg that was in it might not have cooked well enough. The last thing I want to do is give my roommates food poisoning!!

First week...

2005-08-26T09:32:00.000-04:00

My first week of law school has been an interesting one (I still have one more class to go to later today). Everything that people say about law school is true. There is an overwhelming amount to read, and not necessarily because there are a lot of pages to read, but because you have to actively engage with and think about almost every word that you read. I was somewhat surprised about how long it takes me to get through some of the readings. A five page case can take me about thirty minutes to an hour to read and brief. For perspective I can read a 500 page novel in about 3 to 4 hours. But, make no mistake reading and briefing for law school is not even close to what it is like to read a novel. I have always been a quick reader, and I used that as false hope. Trust me, the law school reading that you do is not like anything you have ever done before. Although, the cases are usually quite interesting, the attention that you have to pay to each detail becomes cumbersome. But, you have to do it because you fear that you will be the one called on in class and drilled about each and every aspect of the case….and God help you if you are not prepared! When I was in AAMPLE, there was a lot of stuff to read, but you did not need to prepare so relentlessly because you were never going to be called on and shouted out in class in front of all of your peers. Being embarrassed is an incentive to really get things done, and not just read, but analyzed and understood.

I thought that people talking about the Socratic method was somewhat of a joke, or a scare tactic used by upper classmen. I could not imagine that the professors would really do this actively. I was kidding myself! Not only do they do it actively, but most of them are brutal. Not all of the professors that I have are brutal, but I would say that half of them are. One of them decided that he liked to be called “God” as opposed to Sir or Professor. It was a joke; however, it is a good example of the mentality of some of the teachers. Another professor got so frustrated with someone when he was trying to get them to talk about the concept and elements of a sale and what does and does not constitute a sale, that he walked up and slammed a book down in front of the person, then said, if he were not a non violent man, he would have hit him over the head with the book because the person’s lack of the right answer was driving the professor crazy. I felt so bad for this person. The teacher really ridiculed him. I just thanked my lucky stars that I was not the one making the professor that mad over something so stupid. Despite how intimidating the Socratic Method is, I admit that it does actually has some advantages. You really do learn a lot by answering the questions in your head and learning from your classmates mistakes. You actually learn the process of thought and how to use that process in a way that helps you delve more deeply in the material. I have not been called on through this method yet, though I have answered questions by volunteering, but the professors are not usually brutal to volunteers, unless they are way off. Though, my tune may change after I am called on and drilled, but for now it is an interesting and very different way to learn, and I prepare for it relentlessly through my readings, just incase when I walk into class the day becomes my day in the hot seat.

Another reality to law school is that it is an anxiety filled emotional roller coaster. There are good days and bad days. A lot of people that I know, have broken down and just cried at least once this week for no apparent reason. Everyone has asked themselves why they are doing this (including me a few times this week), and a lot of people have said they are quitting and going home (including me). Though, the next day we are all in our seats again ready for the next round.

I am off to do a little bit of reading for next week, and then get ready for civ pro.

...

2005-08-23T10:37:00.000-04:00

I have not written in a few days, and a lot has been going on, so I am sorry that this entry will probably be jumping all over the place.

The last day of Orientation on Friday went well. The first thing we did was take a test on all of the information that we learned during orientation. It was pretty self explanatory, not really a big deal at all. Then we had to attend a Lawyering Skills type workshop. That sucked a lot. We were given an hour and a half test on grammar. It was a little ridiculous, so I was thrilled when it was over. I had a nice stiff drink after orientation was officially over. Then I started my endless reading. One of my professors actually assigned an entire 120 page book to be outlined, along with reading a few cases. Reading the book was no big deal, but outlining the book was a bit rough. It took me awhile to go through it and pick out the important things. I understood all of my property and torts readings, but I struggled a little bit with one of the contracts cases. Intro to Lawyering was no big deal, but I need to come prepared to interview and be interviewed by other students. I have to finish civ pro tonight, then I can get started on next weeks readings, to see if I can get a little ahead of the game.

Eric came down this weekend which was nice. He stayed Saturday to Monday. I really appreciated that he was there for my first day. It was nice to have the support. He got flowers sent to my apartment for my birthday, and he bought me an I pod with an inscription on the back that says, “KAF, ESQ. I am so proud of you. Love Always, Eric. It was really sweet, it made me cry. His mother also baked me a cake that he brought down, which was very touching. His mother and I are not always on the best terms, so it meant a lot to me. I cried a lot more when he left this time, than when he left last time. But, I got myself together and went to Torts because I needed to. I am not going to see him until labor day weekend, so it is going to be a long two weeks, but we will get through it.

My schedule is not too bad, I started classes on Monday, and so far they have been tolerable. My property teacher is nice, and my torts teacher scares me a little bit. I am really prepared for his class though, so that should make it a little easier. I hate my mid week schedule, but what can I do.

Monday: Property and Torts
Tuesday: Property, Contracts, Intro To Lawyering, and Torts
Wednesday: Contracts, Torts, Civil Procedure, and Torts again (twice on Wed. ick)
Thursday: Property, Contracts, Intro to Lawyering, and Torts
Friday: Civil Procedure

I am off to Contracts, and then hopefully I can get to the computer services room when there is no line so they can situate me for wireless in the school and library.

:(

2005-08-18T22:07:00.000-04:00

Today is my birthday, and I should have had a good day, but unfortunately, it was not really a good day at all. I felt like I was having a nervous break down today. For no apparent reason I had an anxiety attack, and the worked up nervous feeling stayed with me all day. I just could not shake it, I felt so miserable. I just wish that there was a cure for anxiety that would stop these feelings. I had everything in check before I left for Albany. I was doing ok the past few days while I was here, and then all of a sudden I hit a wall. I really felt like I took 50 steps backwards. I thought that I had all of these feelings in check. It is really depressing to feel like I am back at square one.

It all started yesterday. I was fine, orientation was going well, then lunch time hit. The food really sucked, but it was free and I was hungry so I ate it. Well the next thing I know, I am in an hour and a half lecture and I started having crushing stomach and chest pains. I really thought it was a heart attack. That is how bad the chest pain was. I am sure it was just heart burn and upset stomach, but I got really nervous regardless. It was the longest hour and a half of my life, but I refused to get up and leave. I did not feel well, but I had something to do, so I sucked it up. I got through the lecture and I managed to get back to my room and relax an hour and then go to one more lecture.

Then this morning I went to orientation and the first lecture was ok. We took a small break, and then the second started and I lost control. I was sitting there, and then I looked at the professor and everything was blurry. I blinked a few times and it did not help. So I got really nervous, I felt my heart pounding. I got up and left the lecture thinking that if I stepped out for a minute it would be ok. About 10 minutes later I was composed, but the entire rest of the day was messed up because of that. I got so mad at myself for having to walk out and for getting so worked up over nothing. I am really down about this. I wound up being able to finish the rest of the day ok. I did not leave any more of the lectures or freak out, but for the rest of the day I was just anxious about everything.

I just do not know what to do with myself sometimes. I am afraid that my anxiety is going to fuck this up for me. I worked to hard to get here to ruin everything because I am a nut job. I was doing so well before I moved here, and I was doing ok at the start, I just wish I knew what triggered this, and what I could do to stop it. I wish there was a sure fire fix to this problem, but unfortunately it does not exist. I am just a little freaked out, upset, and depressed. I want this to work out so badly. I am happy with my roommates, I am happy with my apartment. I am even happy with school. I just have no idea what made me so nervous and ill. I just hope that I can pull it all together. I know I am smart enough to be here. I know that I can handle the work. I just have to get over my issues before I let them ruin my chances of attaining my dreams.

Sorry to rant, I just needed to get that off of my shoulders.

First two days of orientation...

2005-08-16T15:05:00.000-04:00

I was really nervous the first day of orientation, but everything worked out. The first thing that we had to do was wait in lines to get our orientation packets. The packets contained all of the readings and assignments that we would need for the week, our class schedule and section number, and a ton of other flyers, information sheets, and papers that we will need for the rest of orientation week.

After getting our orientation packet, we were given a continental breakfast. I had already eaten, but I took a bagel and put it in my bag since they were keeping us until 5:30. I knew I would eventually want a snack. During the breakfast we were given mugs with lids with the school name and logo. That was a gift to the students from the Alumni. It was really rather nice. We were then ushered up to the fourth floor where we were welcomed, and then lectured for a few hours with one break in between. The lecture was about the legal system and how laws are created. It was very basic, but informative. The speaker was good, I was not really bored at all.

We were then given lunch, which the school supplied. It was actually very good. It was BBQ type food, but it must have been catered from somewhere in the area. It was quite good. I had to say goodbye to Eric about half way through lunch. I walked him to his car and he drove me back to the school. It was a sad parting. We are used to seeing one another a lot, so this will be a challenge, but I am sure it is something we can over come. I cried for a moment, composed myself and went back for the afternoon session. That session was on professionalism. There was a panel of lawyers from different backgrounds. They were very good. After that, there was a short break, and we broke into smaller groups. During that time, we discussed the readings that we were given with our acceptance package. The speaker, called on us by name. It was a real taste of the Socratic method. She did not call on me, but I would have been prepared if she had.

The rest of the night was uneventful. One of my roommates made diner, I washed the dishes. Then I read and briefed the cases that were due today. They were an interesting group of cases, and a pretty easy read.

Today was not that bad. The first lecture was on motion to dismiss (demurrer). It was interesting. We were given a hand out, but I prefer taking my own notes, so I did that. Then we had a break and were broken into very small groups to discuss the readings that were due for the day. This was my first boring speaker. I have this professor for one of my classes, so I am not happy about it. The speaker was repetitive and only got through one case. I felt like slamming my head into the desk repeatedly. Somehow I managed to get through the lecture. After that I bought my books. I was impressed at how prepared the book store was. They set all the books up in the gym in piles by section number. We walked in grabbed a box, found our section number and grabbed a piled of books. My books were very expensive. They cost about 750. I was not really happy about that, but what was I supposed to do. I charged them. When I get my loan reimbursement check, the first thing that I am going to do is pay my credit card. I have been spending so much money that I am starting to freak out. Anyway, after buying my books, I brought them back to my apartment, which was rough. It is not a bad walk, but it sucks ass doing the walk while carrying like 50 pounds of books in your arms. I walked back to catch the tale end of lunch. One of the school organizations sponsored it. It was like a pizza party. The pizza was not like the pizza at home, but it was not that bad either. After that I got my id picture taken. The picture sucks, but all my id photos suck, so I am not surprised.

In a few minutes I have to go back to the law school for a career planning lecture, and then they are having a cocktail party. I am probably only going to attend that for a few minutes because my family is down to visit. They are here until Friday, so it will be nice to see them and spend some time with them.

All moved in...

2005-08-14T10:48:00.000-04:00

Well, I made it to Albany in one piece. The drive was horrendous because there was a car fire on the NY State Thruway which is a road that only has two lanes in each direction. The back up was ridiculous, but what could I do. I just put my 6 disk CD player on shuffle disk and waited out the traffic. I thought I was going to miss my move in time, but luckily I got there with a little time to spare. Getting everything up to my apartment was a pain in the ass, but we finally got everything moved in. The apartment is starting to look lived in but I still need to get a few more things to make it look like home. My room was a little smaller than I had anticipated, but it is starting to come along.

My roommates were very nice, but I did not get to spend a lot of time with them because neither of them stayed in the apartment last night, but I am sure that once we spend some time together we will all get along just fine.

I am going to spend today getting organized, and picking up the odds and ends that I was unable to get before I left. I need to take an hour or so later to go back over the reading for orientation and brief the cases. I also hope to take a break later and go to the movies with Eric while he is still here. He has been dieing to see Dukes of Hazard, and he was a trooper yesterday carrying everything up here and lifting all the heavy things, so even though I have no desire to see the movie, I will suck it up and go with him. It will make him happy.

I am a little nervous about orientation tommorrow, but I am excited just the same. It will be nice to feel like part of a group. I can not wait to get my schedule and buy my books! I am just glad that I have my roomates to walk over to orientation with. At least this way I will not be all by myself. Wish me luck. :)

Last Day Before I Move...

2005-08-12T09:44:00.000-04:00

Today is my last day to get everything together before leaving tomorrow morning. I am nervous, but excited. I have so much to do, and I know that I am not going to get it all done. I am just going to try to do as much as I can and go from there. For the most part, I have everything I need for my room. Although, I still need a lamp and a behind the door hanging mirror. I would still like to grab one more pair of Capri’s before I leave, and maybe another shirt or two. I do not want to go there feeling like I have no clothing, which is what it feels like now since I hate shopping for clothing, and I do not really own a lot of clothes. I am going to go through my room and hopefully find clothing that I had forgotten about. Other than that, I need to go to the bank, and I need to go food shopping. However, I might do the food shopping when I get there to make it easier. I will see how much I get accomplished and decide from there.

I finished my orientation reading today. It was not a bad read. I do still want to go over it one more time and make notes. But, it was pretty self explanatory for the most part. I just want to make sure I am prepared in case they start calling on us randomly or something like that. I would hate to be unprepared for orientation where first impressions are created. I am still pretty nervous about orientation because I have no idea what to expect, but I am trying to be more excited about it than nervous.

I am still kind of upset about leaving my family and friends behind, so I have not been saying good bye to anyone. I feel that I am not dieing, so a good bye is somewhat inappropriate. I am going with, see you later, or talk to you soon instead. It is still sad, but it makes me feel a little better on the inside. My boyfriends family wants to say good bye to me tonight. I really do not have time for it, and I was a little upset that he is making me do this. I just saw them a few days ago, and thought that was a good enough, apparently I am wrong. It is going to be hard to see them because I know they will make a big deal about me going. I have not really cried about leaving at all yet, but when they make a big deal about it, I know I will, and I hate myself for that. I hate crying with a freaking passion. It makes me feel so weak and out of control!!! Grr....

Anyway, it was brought to my attention a few weeks ago that I am not longer a law school hopeful. I was thinking about creating a new blog that would reflect my time as a law student under a new name. Any thoughts? I think it is a good idea, but I have kind of become attached to lawschoolhopeful because that is what I was for so long. Let me know what you guys think. I would put up a poll, if I knew how. Thanks in advance for your comments on this.

...

2005-08-11T11:50:00.000-04:00

I changed my routine this morning which proved to be a very bad idea. I am so used to getting up in the morning eating breakfast, taking a vitamin, and spending time relaxing for a few minutes before I start my day. However, today a friend of mine asked me to go to breakfast. I figured that this would be ok. Why in the world would I think that messing up my routine would be bad? I should be flexible right? Well, we get to Perkins, we get seated, and we wait for a waitress. About 10 minutes passed and we did not get service. My stomach was killing me because it was 11 and I had still not eaten. I started to get nervous and light headed. I felt my pulse start to race, and I automatically thought I was going to pass out. I know it is stupid, but ever since I passed out a few months ago, I always worry that it could happen again. I guess somewhere in my head, I associated eating properly in the morning and relaxing for a few minutes before starting my day, with not passing out. So, needless to say, I complained to my friend that it was hot as hell in the restaurant and I was not feeling well and I wanted to leave. When we got in the car, he told me to calm down. I told him I was trying. He asked to take my pulse and I let him. It was actually normal, but I did not know that at the time. I was at 110. So, he made me even more nervous telling me that it was super high. I got home and looked it up on the computer, 60 to 100 is normal in adults for a resting position. At this point I was upset that we had to leave Perkins and I was being mental about everything so 110 was probably not bad given the stress thata I was putting myself through. I felt mad at myself because I was inflexible and let myself down, and my friend. I came home and did some deep breathing exercises, and that helped a little bit. I feel better now, and the last time I tested my pulse it was 84. So everything is fine, and the stress of moving along with changing my schedule has made me feel sick and mental. Just had to vent that before I moved on with my day. Yes, I am probably mental, but I am trying here.

...

2005-08-09T23:47:00.000-04:00

I move in to my apartment in Albany on Saturday afternoon and I am starting to freak out. I have been trying to keep calm but I am really stressing out. The closer it gets to move in day, the more crap I find that I still need to do. It is just crazy. I just keep telling myself that everything will be fine and that I will get everything done, but it seems like everything is just falling through my fingers. I will get it done though, worst case scenario I do some shopping in Albany because I do not finish getting everything before I leave. It will be ok.

Another thing that is stressing me out is that I am getting upset about leaving everyone behind. My friends have been making a big deal about me leaving, which is crazy because I am only going to be three hours away tops. I know they care, but they are psyching me out. In a weird way they are compounding my anxiety because when they tell me they are upset about me leaving, I am getting upset about having to leave them. I have to try to not let it get me down, but it is hard. I am my own worst enemy, and I really do not want to make myself ill over moving and trying to attain my goals. I know this is something I need to do, and as much as not going and giving up would make my life less stressful, I would never be able to live with myself. I have come this far, and I have to do this.

If you are one of my friends, and you are reading this, do not be upset about me leaving. You know that I will always love you and that I will always be there for you. I might not be a five minute drive anymore, but I am still and always will be a phone call, email, or instant message away. I will not forget you guys, and I know that you will not forget me...we have too much history for that. I mean where else am I going to get someone to understand my sarcastic and often bitter sense of humor. I am not dieing guys, we will still see one another and cause trouble together. I will come home once or twice a month, and you guys could always come up and visit me, I would welcome the company. Now stop stressing me out before you actually do become the death of me!!! :)

...

2005-08-07T15:54:00.000-04:00

My parents had a little going away party for me last night. It was a nice surprise. I enjoyed having my relatives in one place at one time. It was also helpful because now I do not need to spend my last week running to assorted relatives homes to say good bye. It is not like I am leaving forever or anything, but it seems like everyone in my family wants to wish me luck and spend a little time with me before I go. It makes me feel loved! I still need to say good bye to some of my friends, but I will try to put that off until it is absolutely necessary because I am not good at good byes…but again, I know it is not forever and I am not going to be all that far away that they could not come and visit if they wanted to.

Another thing that happened yesterday was that my tuition bill finally came in the mail. I was happy and surprised to find that everything had worked out and that all of my loans were situated. I knew financial aid did a nice job when I got the award letter sooner than they anticipated, but I was unsure if everything would fall into place before orientation. Now, I just need to make sure my immunization records and my undergrad and masters transcripts get to the law school by Friday. I sent my immunization records out already, but my transcripts are another story. I requested them and paid the money to have them created, but I am going to have to run by and make sure they understand that I need theses now. I called last week and explained that to them, but sometimes they can be far from accommodating. I was thinking that while I am at the school making sure my transcripts are situated, I would leave thank you notes and a small gift for my letter writers. My letter writers were wonderful and I know that their heart warming letters helped me get where I want to be.

Later today, I am going to go out and buy a printer, a wireless router, and a memory card for my palm. Tomorrow I am going to buy some towels, a fan, and some other odds and ends like a desk lamp. I ordered all of my supplies from Staples, just waiting for those to arrive. I really need to make a list because the more I think about what I will need the more things I realize I need!

Last Day of Work...

2005-08-05T16:37:00.000-04:00

My last day of work was today!! I brought in a couple boxes of donuts for my clients and coworkers. My clients loved it, but I do not think my coworkers cared one way or the other. It does not matter much though, it made me feel good to bring in some goodies and leave on the right foot. I am actually going to miss some of my clients and some of the kids. I gave some of the clients and kids that I am closest with my email address. Hopefully they stay in touch.

I just can not believe that it is finally over. I will be moving into my new apartment at law school in 8 days. It is crazy. I am really nervous about it, but talking to my future roommates has calmed me down. Apparently everyone feels like this, and it is not just me being mental.

All three of my apartment mates seem nice. One of them is a 2L who has been fielding all of our questions about law school. The other two are both incoming students like me. They are both really cool, so I hope to be in the same section as one of them. However, even if they are not in my section it will still be nice living with people who can relate to me. :)

Oh, I felt like such a dick yesterday. I was at my cousins house, with my mom and a few of my other cousins and their moms, and I almost ruined my cousin’s baby shower. She was asking me about the law school schedule and when I will be coming home and things like that. I kept answering her, but she started to get more and more specific, so I just started to run down the days I am coming home. Then next thing I know, I blurted out, “I will be home labor day, and I will be home again for your shower” I automatically put my hands over my face and turned bright red. Everyone just looked at me and started laughing. I felt so bad, but at least I did not disclose a date, she just knows it is after Labor Day. She registered for gifts, so she knew she was having a shower, at least I did not give her any solid information. Afterwards, I told her that I felt used and dirty because she did that on purpose by prying! I think she planned it so that she could figure out the date of her shower. I still feel like a dick, but oh well what can I do.

Law School pictures and odds and ends...

2005-08-03T16:20:00.000-04:00

Someone finally emailed me and confirmed that my move in date has been switched to the 13th. Apparently it is difficult for housing to figure out who is a first year law student and who is not. The other grad schools that are allowed to live in the apartments, as well as the upper class law students all start classes after the 20th, which is the general move in date. I am glad that is squared away because I was running out of time dealing with it.

Interestingly, when I started to read my first day reading assignment for orientation, I was only given the odd pages (1, 3, 5, 7, 9, and so on). I called up the admissions office to inform them. Someone accidentally did not photo copy front and back, so there is an entire stack of orientation packets that went out without the proper pages. Hopefully I get the even pages before orientation starts.

Two out of three of my roommates got in contact with me after I emailed them. One of them is a second year law student who is currently interning at the DA’s office in NY. That sounded exciting, I can not wait to ask her questions about it. She seemed very nice. We exchanged phone numbers and she called and left me a message last night. I was mad that I missed her call, but I was not feeling well, so I will have to give her a call back later to pick her brain about orientation and law school. The other roommate who got in touch with me is going to be a 1L. Surprisingly she also lives in NJ, and is actually just a few towns over. We are going to meet up for lunch before school starts. I think I will feel better making the move knowing that I know someone from my area who is also making the move. We can commute together when we want to come home! Not sure about the third roommate since she has not responded at all. Hopefully she checks her email eventually.

On a side note, I finally downloaded my pictures of Albany to my computer. I am going to post them, but I have never used the photo feature so I hope this works:

...

2005-08-01T16:59:00.000-04:00

My mail must have been in some kind of limbo. I got no mail for a few days, and today I got everything that I have been impatiently waiting for. My orientation package was somewhat upsetting. The information that is provided about orientation week only lists the first day’s events which kind of sucks. I would have liked more solid information about the week of orientation since my parents are going to come down that week for my birthday. The required first day readings are much shorter than I imagined, and they look easy enough. I will get to them after I finish reading the last few pages of the law school prep book that I am reading now.

It looks like my loans were processed without any problems…which is quite surprising. I think that the first semester is going to be tight, but hopefully I can squeak by. I have been looking at part time jobs in Albany, and I found one that really interests me, but I can not really apply for it until I get my class schedule, which I will not get until orientation.

I also got my housing confirmation and roommate information. Unfortunately, this did not go as smoothly as I had hoped. They list my move in date as the 20th of August, but orientation starts on the 15th of August. When I spoke to the housing representative on the phone a few weeks ago, she said that I would be able to move in on the 13th, however in my confirmation the date was set at the 20th. I called and left a message, hopefully they can fix my move in date without too much of a problem. I emailed my roommates to find out if they are also law students or if they are affiliated with one of the other grad schools, but unfortunately one of the email addresses bounced back. Hopefully the other two roommates get back to me at some point.

Today, I took care of a few odds and ends that I need situated before I can attend classes at Albany. I called my old pediatrician for my immunization records. They are going to mail them to my home, and then I will over night them to Albany. I also called to get my transcripts sent to Albany but the woman on the phone told me the process could take 7 to 10 days. She assured me that the quickest way to get the transcripts would be to go to the school and bring my request form and my payment directly to the registrars office and hand deliver everything. That way it should only take them 3 to 5 days. Then instead of having them send the transcripts to Albany, I am going to physically pick them up and over night them to the school. At least this way I can make sure everything gets to the school in time so that I can attend orientation.

I am going to go lay down for a little bit. I left work early today because I was not really feeling well. Later, if I feel better I am going to get up and do some shopping.

...

2005-07-31T10:14:00.000-04:00

My God Parents came down to visit me yesterday because they wanted to see me before I left for law school. They bought me a ton of odds and ends, which was very nice of them. It was not necessary, but it was very nice. My Aunt also made me an awesome quilt. She makes the kids in the family quilts when they start new journeys in life. I got one when I started college, and now I have a new one for starting law school. I love it. I can not wait to get to law school and put it on my bed! Every time I look at it, I will remember my family and smile. My Aunt has been the only one supportive of me going to law school from the beginning. Sure my parents finally came around, but she has been my rock through this entire process. The quilt definitely means a lot to me because of this.

I still have not received anything from Albany. I called them on Friday to remind them that there are 10 business days until orientation starts and I have not received anything other than my acceptance letter. When I called the admissions office, the woman on the phone pulled up my information and got on top of me for not submitting my immunizations and original transcripts. I told her that the reason they did not receive anything from me was because I did not get a package explaining what was needed. She explained what was needed and said that they need those two things from me ASAP. I am going to call my physician and my college tomorrow and hopefully be able to pick the records up mid week and over night them to the school.

I was then transferred to someone in the billing department. I was worried that I would not be able to pull together financial aid by the start of orientation since I have not even gotten a financial aid award letter yet. The woman I spoke to assured me that I would still be able to attend orientation and attend classes. She said when people get accepted so late, they often can not get everything done before classes, but she said they understand this and as long as an effort is being made, they will not drop me out of my classes. I was happy to hear that, it made me a lot less anxious.

...

2005-07-28T21:07:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow I have the day off of work because I am going to the doctor to get a sonogram of my breast done. I have them done once a year or so because I am cystic and new cysts pop up here and there. I just like to play it safe because you never know, and I do not want to play with my health. I am not a fan of going to the doctor, but this is not big deal so everything should be fine. I am going to try to keep my white coat hypertension (fear of the doctor) under control. My mom is also off work, so she is going to go with me, and then we are going to go to lunch and do some shopping.

Hopefully I get my tuition bill from Albany tomorrow. I have about 15 days (11 business days) to get my financial aid situated. I am definitely running out of time, but the woman at Albany that I spoke to last week said that until they bill me they can not help me with financial aid. If I do not get anything in the mail tomorrow, I will give them a call to inquire, and to ask what will happen if I can not pull everything together in time. Hopefully they are understanding since the problem is their fault. I filled out financial aid papers and talked with a private lender months ago, so if they can not bill me with adequate time to finalize everything, I would hope that they would work with me. I am sure they will be helpful and supportive. They seemed nice when dealing with them previously.

...

2005-07-26T23:39:00.000-04:00

Nothing exciting going on here. Just waiting to get my financial aid information, my packet of information about orientation and what not, and my housing assignment. I am getting kind of impatient as the days pass, but I can not rush the mail. In the mean time, I have been busy at work. I finally got my 6 month review....it was only 3 months over due. It was not a bad review, but not the best review either. Some of the criticism was accurate and some of it was extremely far fetched. But, I am not worried about it because I only have a week and a half left. No point in getting upset about anything work related at this point.

I bought a comforter set for law school. I needed one since I got rid of my old college set, and I do not want to bring my bedding from home with me. It is lime green, beige, and turquoise. I think it is pretty. I still have a ton of other things to buy, but I am starting to get a little upset with the cost of everything. I HATE spending all of this money. It makes me feel like I am sinking and struggling to stay above water. The supplements that I want for the first year come in two packages they are $300 total. I do not want to spend the money on it, but I know it will help me. I will probably suck it up and buy them tomorrow, or at least buy one bundle tommorrow (Gilberts) and buy one bundle mid semester (Examples and Explanations). I know I will get more use out of Gilberts early in the semester, but the E&E will be helpful for preparing for my finals. ARGH... All of these expenses!!!

...

2005-07-22T16:03:00.000-04:00

Today I received my acceptance letter from Albany. It is really nice to have a hard copy that I can touch. It makes it all real. I kept worrying that I had heard wrong, or imagined the entire acceptance. Now that I have the letter I feel much better.

I overnighted my deposit on Tuesday for Wednesday 10:30 AM delivery, but when I checked the status yesterday about noon, it was in Allentown, PA. I was like what in the hell is my deposit doing in PA since PA is not on the way to Albany. Apparently there was a mix up somewhere along the lines, and it wound up going to PA instead of NY. So after they told me they would give me my money back, they calmed me down and assured me that the package would be delivered by 10:30 this morning…thankfully it was. I called the admissions office and double checked. They confirmed that they did indeed get my deposit. While on the phone, I inquired about orientation and things like that, I was told that I would be getting a package with all that info next week. I can not wait to get it; apparently there are readings I need to get done before orientation week.

I spoke with financial aid, but I was informed that until they get word that my deposit was processed, they can not bill me or pull up my information. Since they can not do that, they can not tell me what I will need to take out in financial aid to pay for school. I filled out all the paper work ages ago. I just hope they get back to me quick so I can finalize everything and make sure I requested enough money. I have managed to save a little, but it is not going to be enough to support me through the year. I plan on getting a part time job out there, but until I get my schedule and see when my classes are, I can not really apply anywhere because I have no idea what my availability will be.

I gave my two weeks notice today, so August 5th is going to be my last day. I am excited, but a little sad. As crazy as my job was, I will definitely miss some of my clients. Oh well change is a part of life, and I know that this is what I want.

...

2005-07-21T12:40:00.000-04:00

The realization that I am actually going to go to law school has finally sunk in. I was living in a limbo for so long, constantly wondering whether or not I was even going to attend law school this year. Sure, I was in at Vermont, and I would have gone when push came to shove, but there was so much resistance on the home front that it made it hard to make plans and get things done. Everyone was just so down on me. It was a stifling experience, which I hope I do not experience again.

Now that Albany has worked out, my parents are actually excited for me. It seemed like they were actually proud of me for pulling this off. They do not roll their eyes at me when I talk about law school anymore, and they even helped me make the deposit, since I will not be paid until Friday and the deposit needs to be there by Monday. It is nice to finally have some support and enthusiasm. When I found out that I had passed AAMPLE, my dad went out and bought me 3 dozen roses and a card. I just can not express how nice it is to actually have my family excited for me.

I know it will be hard to move to Albany and be so far away from my family, boyfriend, and friends, but I know it is something I have to do. I was talking to my mom trying to make sure law school was something I really wanted to do (I was nervous and having second thoughts). She told me that if I don’t do it I am going to hate every job I take and regret it for the rest of my life… and you know what, she is right. This is definitely something I have to do because deep down inside I know this is what I want. I may be afraid and nervous about the change and the high level of academic competition, but I have to try my best, keep my head up, and see what happens.

At least I will not be totally alone. I found out that two other people made it into the incoming class based on their grades on the tests. Then Albany reviewed everyone’s application packages and essays again and accepted two more people. I am psyched about that because one of my good friends throughout the program got the opportunity to attend!. It makes me feel good to know that other people who went through the same hell that I did will continue to bond as we navigate our way through 1L. It just makes me more comfortable knowing that I will know a few people from the get go.

I am waiting for a hard copy of the acceptance letter, and information about financial aid. The wait is killing me because I need to figure out the financial aspects ASAP. I would hate to come this far and not be able to attend because I could not pull the money together quick enough!!!!! I think I would be devastated and crushed if that happened. So, in an effort to keep myself busy and to keep my mind off of the hell I am going to be going through to get my loans together, I have been making a list of things I need to buy before moving. The list is getting pretty long, but most of the stuff is essential, so I can not do much about that. I just hope it does not cost me too much money.

I found out that I move in on the 13th of August, and orientation starts on the 15th. Eric is going to move me in, which is good because his truck will help me out big time. He is going to stay until Monday afternoon (which is good, having the support at the start of orientation will be a godsend), and then head home for work on Tuesday. Then, my parents and sister are coming down Tuesday afternoon and they are staying until Thursday night or Friday morning. My birthday is on Thursday the 18th, and they thought it would be important to spend it with me. They are going to stay in Verona, NY at a casino!! I am thrilled, because I love to gamble and thought that I was going to be out of luck moving away from Atlantic City. Hopefully I have time to go up to the casino with them and spend some time at the roulette table. Gambling is just one of the most relaxing experiences for me. I am really glad there is a casino so close to school! After my parents leave on Friday, I think Eric is coming back up on Friday night, or Saturday morning to spend time with me for my birthday. However, my mom’s birthday is that Monday, so I may come home that weekend which means Eric would not need to take the trip. I will have to see how orientation goes, and how much work I will need to do before classes start.

Sorry this is so long, I just have a lot going on right now. I would like to take a moment to once again, thank everyone who posted for their support and their kind words. I appreciate it! :)

Albany Decision....

2005-07-18T18:09:00.000-04:00

Well, the week from hell was not quite the week from hell....

I was getting ready to leave work to start my drive home when my dad called. He said that someone from Albany Law School called and left a message asking me to return their call. My heart started pounding, I was so nervous. I was afraid I was going to pass out!

I dialed the number and got the receptionist. She told me that the grades were sent through email and that I should refer to my email. I told her that someone called for me and asked that I return their call. She put me on hold, for what seemed like ages. I tried to calm down, but it did not work, I just got more anxious while I waited. Then the dean of admissions picked up and said that she called to personally congratulate me on gaining acceptance to the law school. She said that it was a rough summer and that a very small percentage passed this year. She also told me my grades were highest, which surprised me. Hopefully there is scholarship money for this, but I doubt it.

I am thrilled because I worked my ass off for this, and I am just in awe that it worked out for me. I am going to spend tomorrow making sure that Albany is the right choice for me, and then write Vermont and NESL my withdrawal letters. Writing the letter to Vermont is going to be very difficult because the staff was above and beyond friendly. But, I can not feel bad, I have to go to the best place for me.

Unfortunately, my study partner did not gain admission. I feel bad for her and I am sad for her, but she has a lot on her plate right now with a sick mother, so I think in a way she feels like she needs to be home and with her family right now. She is going to get a tutor for the LSAT and try again. I know she will do great on the LSAT and get into a great school. She is determined and I know it will work out for her.

Will post more later.

Weekend Before The Week From Hell...

2005-07-17T09:30:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I had lunch with one of my old college roommates. We dormed together the first semester of freshmen year (my god, that was about 6 years ago…I feel old), but then her parents made her drop out for the second semester and come home because of her grades. They thought she would do better in school if she were closer to home…which apparently is not true because she is still earning her Bachelors degree. Honestly, her grades were not that bad because things came hard for her. She had to spend A LOT of time studying to get a C in her classes. Watching her struggle was odd for me because I did not have to 3/4 of what she had to do to prepare for classes and I got the A or B. I tried to help her out, but I could not take the tests for her. It sucked that her parents pulled her out because we had a blast together. Shse was by far, one of my favorite roommates.

Unfortunately, we fell out due to the distance and having our own busy life styles at two different colleges, in two different states. Then out of the blue, she sent me an instant message a few weeks ago and we decided to get together to catch up. We me up in Princeton which was the halfway point and ate at a restaurant and brewery called The Triumph. I love that place, the beer that is brewed on site is usually good, and the food is excellent. It was a lot of fun catching up with her. Apparently her parents are still extremely over protective, but she has a boyfriend now, and after she finishes school she is thinking of moving in with him. Which would be great for her as a way to get out of her parents home and come into her own.

I am going to attempt to clean up my room, go for a walk on the beach, and grab lunch with Eric. It should be fun. A good way to spend my last day before the week from hell begins. I doubt I will hear from Albany tomorrow, but I am thinking that I will hear by Wednesday. I am definitely going to call if I do not hear by Wednesday afternoon. I have so many things to pull together and knowing which law school I am going to be attending will make this much easier. It is going to be one LONG week. Hopefully I get through it without worrying myself into hysteria…and hopefully I get in to Albany. Though, I have come to the conclusion that I can not change the things that I can not control, and I can not control their decision so therefore, I can not worry about it. I have also come to grips with the fact that the phone call from Albany is going to go one of three ways:

Best Scenario:

“Hi. This is Albany Law School. Congratulations, you gained admission through AAMPLE, and you did well enough to earn a scholarship”

Awesome Scenario:

“Hi. This is Albany Law School. Congratulations, you gained admission through AAMPLE.”

Good Scenario:

“Hi. This is Albany Law School. Unfortunately, you have not gained admission through AAMPLE.” ....it sucks, but then I focus on going to Vermont Law School instead of the negativity of not getting in to Albany.

I just have to stay calm and overcome my anxiety, accept that I have done the best that I can, and move on no matter what the decision is. Keep your fingers crossed for me and hope that I hear early in the week before the wait drives me crazy.

...

2005-07-13T18:07:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine has inspired me with his ability to see the positive in each and every situation. He is like a rock. I respect him in a way that he could probably never understand. He made me realize how fragile I am in respect to stressful/disappointing situations and how unhealthy and counter productive that is. I want to get myself to a point where I handle things in the manner that he does. I am just awed by his unwavering ability to move forward and not dwell on the past and the things that he can not change.

Hopefully he does not get mad at me for mentioning this in my blog. He was in a conditional acceptance program (I do not want to name the specific program, it was not Albany). He is a bright and sharp guy who put a lot of work into the program that he was in. He started studying well before the classes started, he was very dedicated. I had no doubt in my mind that he would make it through. Unfortunately, he got the decision this morning and was told that he did not gain admission. By the afternoon when we spoke he was already over it. He was moving forward. He told me that he is starting law school in a month even if it is not at the school he was doing the program at. He said he was focusing his energies on getting ready for law school and putting this experience past him. I know he will be successful in anything he puts his mind to because that is just the kind of person that he is. I am saddened for him, but I am happy for him just the same. He did his very best, and he should be proud of himself for taking a chance and putting himself on the line. The fact that he is already focusing on the positive and preparing to go to another law school is fantastic. I congratulate him on his decision to attend the other school and to not give up on his dreams. He is a trooper, he really is and how he handled this situation shows his inner strength and character. My best wishes are with him for the future.

I must admit that I was taken aback by his news, I felt more flustered than he sounded. It made me realize that not gaining admission is a possibility that I should face. I have been hiding behind a wall telling myself I will get in, it will be ok, and everything will work out. It is probably silly of me to ignore the possibility of not doing well enough to gain admission, but I have been trying desperately not to worry to the point that it consumes my life (which it has done regardless of my efforts against it). If I do not get in to Albany, I hope I handle it with as much character, optimism, and grace as he did in his situation.

I have my tuition bill for both New England School of Law, and Vermont Law School. I am pretty sure I will not be attending NESL, I hope it will be easy to tell them. I do not want to get stuck owing money to a school I do not attend.

...

2005-07-12T17:52:00.000-04:00

Work really sucked yesterday. I came in and found out that the state was coming in to discuss one of our grants, so I had to stay late for a meeting. The meeting started at 6, and let out at about 7:15. I got home at about 8:30. It pissed me off because this morning was the first time that I had heard about the meeting. If I had known about the meeting, I would not have really cared if I had to stay late. I just get so mad when people do not tell me things. God only knows my boss and her boss have probably known about this for a few weeks. Communication just does not happen here and it drives me crazy

I applied for a few freelance editing and writing positions on Thursday, but I have not heard anything. I am hoping that someone calls me or emails me back and offers me a position. Most of the jobs that I applied for are jobs that I can continue to do on my time throughout law school…which would be a blessing. Any income that I have while in school will be a huge benefit because I am really hesitant to take out for living expenses and rent, in addition to loans for tuition. Quite frankly, the less I take out in loans the better off I will be in the end. Loans are great, but they scare me. I know it is a part of life in higher education, but it still sucks to be in debt for years and years, but I will do what I need to do to make law school happen.

When I got home last night, a huge envelope from Vermont Law School was waiting for me on the kitchen table. They sent me a ton of information about the school, the area, orientation, a Myers Briggs Personality Test (which they apparently use during orientation to help people find the best way to get through law school and to get to know others), and a book. The book is called, “1000 Days to the Bar, But the Practice of Law Begins Now,” by Dennis J. Tonsing. I am going to start it later today, it is not a thick book, and it does not appear to be a rough read. I will post my opinion on the book when I am done reading it.

I know that I have said this a hundred times, but I am going to keep saying it: Vermont just does not cease to impress me. Their orientation is week long, starting on August 22nd. Along with doing the normal law school related things, they have white river rafting, hiking, a trip to the state capitol and state related things while there, numerous BBQ type meals, a cocktail party, a significant others lunch, meetings with special faculty advisors/mentors, and many workshops about anything law school related you could want to know about. They are just wonderful at creating a sense of community. They go above and beyond. I wish they were closer to where I want to practice because they would definitely be my first choice then. The staff is just so warm and inviting. They are ready to answer any and all questions. They work with you when you are in a bind. I am just taken aback at how hard they try to make everyone feel at home.

Another thing that impressed me about Vermont this week was a message that I got in my email this afternoon. The email was about a student to student mentoring program. They felt that by hooking 1L’s up with 2 and 3L’s, that it would make the transition into law school much easier. If I do not get into Albany and I attend Vermont, I am definitely going to take advantage of the mentoring program. It is always good to have a person that you can go to when you are confused or when you just need to talk.

Anxiety...

2005-07-10T19:56:00.000-04:00

I have been suffering bouts of anxiety all day. I know it has everything to do with having my life in limbo and second guessing my path…but even though I acknowledge why I feel this way, I just can not seem to fully calm down. I have not felt terribly bad since I took my finals for AAMPLE, which surprised me. I thought I would be a mess until I got my scores, but I threw myself into my job, reading novels, and playing computer games. I have been trying to just keep busy and not spend too much time alone thinking… but today it all seemed to come crashing down on me. I just can not seem to clear my head. My heart is pounding (at least it feels like it is), I feel surreal, nauseated, it is hard to breathe, my throat feels tight… it is a panic/anxiety attack. It is like my body goes in to fight or flight mode, but I have nothing to take up the energy. I would go for a bike ride, but it is just so freaking hot out, so I am just bugging out.

My anxiety today, does scare me. I have to admit that I am not sure how I will react if I do not do well enough on the finals to earn admission into Albany. I thought I would be ok. But, based on how I feel today, I am not so sure that I will be able to handle it. I do not want to have a nervous break down or anything, but I have no idea how I will be able to handle it. My friends have been telling me that I have been handling the wait well. I thought I was handling it well also. But, then today just threw me off. Apparently I am having a rather bad day, which I should have assumed would happen. I woke up this morning from an awful dream that I did not get into Albany. They called and told me I did not make the cut. I was devestated. I should have known I would have a bad day because of my bad dream. Even though, I did not conciously spend time thinking about it and the fact that it could turn into reality, somewhere in my head, it must have been mulled over sub conciously.

It is times like this that I wish there was a shut off valve somewhere in my brain and that I could just tap in and turn off these feelings. Unfortunately, that is not how it works, so I try to keep myself occupied. I am afraid I am going to give myself a heart attack or a stroke from these anxiety attacks…but I keep telling myself that I am too young to have a heart attack or a stroke from worrying. So to keep busy, I have read quite a few novels in the past two weeks (9 of them to be precise). I read legal thrillers for the most part. I picked up a new author and I have been reading her books. Erica Spindler. She is very good, she keeps you guessing, but I am usually able to pick the killer by mid book. Although, she did trick me by adding in an accomplice in one of the novels. The love scenes are a little boring and do not add much to the book, I could definitely do without them. Her style from book to book is round about the same, but all in all not bad books. I have also been playing EverQuest and City of Heroes (MMORPG’s…Massively Multiplayer Online Role Play Games). They are very easy to get sucked into. However, for some reason I had too much time on my hands today, so my mind was able to wander… which coupled with my bad dream, is what triggered my mentalness for the day.

I just want some solidity….badly.

Week of the 18th...

2005-07-09T10:42:00.000-04:00

A few days ago, I checked my email and almost had a heart attack. The email was from AAMPLE and the subject was AAMPLE Final Grades. They said they would call to notify us, and since I had not received a call, my thoughts went to the worst possible scenario....that I did not make it in.

My heart was racing, but I clicked on the email to open it. It notified me that grades would come in the week of the 18th and I would be notified then. Although releived. I was still shaken for a few minutes. Thankfully, the news was not bad. At least I do not have to worry every day until I get my scores. They pin pointed a week, albeit a week that is still far away, but at least I know when the decision will be made. I am nervous, but trying to be positive.

As soon as I find out, I will need to start pulling everything together. I secured housing in Albany, I have not yet done that in Vermont because it would require signing a lease. Albany's housing was on campus, so it did not require that. I will have about 3 weeks to get myself ready for either school because at Albany orientation starts the 15th of August, and I believe for Vermont it starts the 22nd.

I just need to hang in there and have faith for a little longer. :)

...

2005-07-08T12:54:00.000-04:00

As opinionated as I am, I rarely discuss current events on this site. Do not think ill of me for that, I constantly keep up with current events because I like to know what is going on in the world around me. Even though the news can be disheartening, I like knowing what is going on at the home front and over seas. However, I normally make it a point not to discuss these issues here because I know there are other websites and blogs that do a fantastic job at analyzing and discussing current events. I read some of them, but I never wanted to bore my readers with my ramblings on current events. It is bad enough that you all suffer through my law school and life related rants on a regular basis. Unfortunately, in light of the bombings in London, I feel the need to express my thoughts…

My mother had the television on when I heard the anchorman talking about bombings on a subway. I was still in bed, but I knew what I had heard. Groggy, I bolted awake. At this point, I was unsure where the attack had taken place, but I knew something terrible had happened. My heart started to beat quickly as I feared that we had a repeat of 9/11 on our hands. I grabbed the remote and flipped on CNN. I saw that the bombings were in London, and I watched the reporter talk about what had happened in the subway and on a double decker bus. I saw pictures of the wreckage, and the somber wounded. I checked CNN online periodically while at work. I tried to stay on top of the breaking news as the death toll began to rise. I thanked God that there were not a larger number of casualties. But then, just one casualty is one too many in situations like these.

An Al Qaeda related terrorist group claimed responsibility for the attack. It made my skin crawl. It seemed like they were asserting bragging rights, which in essence is what they were doing. They were saying, “Hey guess what? I did this and you can not do a damn thing about it!” It is the game of cat and mouse, catch me if you can.

I am just utterly appalled by the blatant disregard that some people have for one another and for life in general. Hell, a good chunk of people in this world do not support the war in Iraq, they do not support their governments, and they do not agree with their countries foreign policies. Just because people are members of a society does not mean that they have blind faith in the government and that they agree with everything that the government does. It is one thing to wage war on a country, but to strap bombs to your chest and walk onto a subway is something entirely different. It is cowardly. I do not understand how these people think that killing themselves along with other innocent people is going to get them a seat next to Allah. I just do not get it. I am not overtly religious, but I believe in God and I have faith. I know that the bible does not preach death and destruction. Last time I checked, blowing things up and killing innocent people was not on the list of commandments, and I doubt highly that it is preached in their holy book. Maybe I am just naïve because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but in this situation, I would have to say that the terrorists have a few screws loose. They really do. I mean really, the people they killed could not change anything, they did not have the power to make any decisions.

If they wanted to kill the people who could cause change, they should have gone to Scotland and blew up the policy makers during G8 (I know that probably makes me sound disgusting, but it is true). It does not take a rocket scientist to understand the concept that no government works with terrorists. We see it again and again in Iraq. The shock value of the London attack is immense, but is it going to change anything? NO. People are still going to ride trains and go on buses. They are going to go to work. They are going to live their lives. Nothing is going to change, because those killed can not create change. Sure, the attack will never be forgotten, but, a change will never occur this way. Killing the innocent is not going to win your war. It is not going to change the policies that offend you.

I guess people really are safe no where, but life goes on. A person could walk outside and get hit by a bus. Life ends, it is inevitable. Catastrophic things happen, we just do not give into them. We are not going to sit in the house afraid to leave. We can’t. We never forget and we may be more cautious, but we can not run away from life. It is precious; we need to live it to the fullest. Apparently, the terrorists do not grasp this, but no one said they were playing with a full deck, and no one claimed they were all that intelligent.

It just really bothers me that people act this way. That our world has gotten so crazy and scary. People…terrorists… just do not know how to communicate with other people. They do not know how to work with one another, they do not know how to stand up for themselves, and create changes. They become desensitized, barbaric, and inhuman. Why? I do not know, and I probably never will. I am saddened and my heart goes out to those that have lost family and friends.

...

2005-07-03T02:32:00.000-04:00

This week I did two proactive law school things (in case I do not get into Albany). I sent in my registration to NESL and I paid my second half of deposit two to Vermont Law School. I know that I am still stringing them both along, but I have decided to keep my options open and put off making this decision until I absolutely need to make it. There is no sense in stressing out over this until I know I need to really make the decision. As you all know, if I get into Albany, I am going there so there would be no need to make a decision and drive myself crazy trying to decide on Vermont and New England until I hear from Albany. I should hear from them within the next week and a half, two weeks tops.....YAY I will soon have closure.

I went to lunch at the China Buffet with a friend today. After our meal, we got our fortune cookies. Mine was rather sad, and I automatically thought of Albany... "You do not learn from your successes, rather you learn from your failures". I promptly threw that fortune into the garbage, contemplated the situation and pushed the negative thought out of my mind!

Pro/Con List...

2005-06-30T13:52:00.000-04:00

Last night, my mom and dad told me that if I do not get into Albany, they want me to go to New England School of Law because it is closer to home, it is a part time program so I can work while in school, and it is in Boston (they know I like the city life). They think Vermont is entirely too fat away (even though it is only another hour from Boston) and they think I would be miserable in a rural area (which may or may not be true...can not knock it till I try it).

I tried to explain to them that Vermont is a better school and that it would prepare me for better opportunities, but it did not work. So, I am in the midst of making a pro/con list to break it down for them, and to help me confidently choose a school. In honesty I do have a hard time picking because Boston would be a great place to live for a few years, however, when I think about it I know that Vermont would give me a better education. At least I think it would. If I can figure out how to attach or enter in an excel spreadsheet, I will publish my pro/con list. If anyone knows how to attach something, or put in a table, please let me know.

~K

2005-06-28T23:41:00.000-04:00

It has been one full week since I completed my AAMPLE finals at Albany. Time is ticking by slowly and each day feels long and drawn out in comparison to the days that came before the test. I just feel like I am floating in an endless void unsure of what will come next. The uncertainty gnaws at me day and night (mostly at night, when I lay down for bed because I am alone and I quickly become lost in my thoughts). God only knows, I have been replaying the questions in my head over and over, and unfortunately I decided that I made a few errors. In my head the errors are large and overwhelming, although on the actual test they are probably not a big deal because there are multiple issues to each question and multiple sides to each answer. I know I discussed the issues of the law and how they pertained to the big picture. I tried to be thorough, but I suppose I could have been more detailed….hell I suppose I could have studied harder, or gone with less sleep to make sure I understood everything...but what does any of that mean now. I can not change the past, I can not rewrite history. I can only accept what my future becomes and hope that I did well enough to set in motion the ideal situation that I have been striving for, which is gaining admission into Albany Law School through AAMPLE.

Well, it is going to be a long two weeks while I wait and wonder, and try to convince myself that everything is fine. I have to try not to think about the “what ifs” or the amount of time that must pass before I find out how I faired. I lack the virtue of patience and not knowing is making me grow restless. ~sigh~

“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.”
–Green Day

ick...

2005-06-25T09:57:00.000-04:00

I feel like I should have just remained in Albany...

I got home on Thursday and I was in a really great mood. I sat down on the deck and started to read "Dark Harbour" by David Hosp. (I finished the book Friday morning, it was very good, kept you guessing till the very end). While I was reading, I got a phone call from my doctor. He was calling because he finally reviewed the charts that I had sent to him two weeks ago. He said my hemoglobin (red blood cell) count was .8 high and he wanted me to go for an additional blood test.

Those of you who know me, understand that I am a hypochondriac. I am now terrified of getting a blood clot and dieing. I know, it sounds stupid, but I worry about it because too much hemoglobin means the blood gets thick, which causes clotting. I know .8 is probably not a big deal... hell the original doctor did not even call and tell me about the elevation. This doctor is probably just being precautious, which is a good thing. Anything health related just makes me crazy.

So I picked up the referal and went to get my blood taken yesterday morning. I went in, and this huge nurse told me to sit down. I informed her that it was likely that I would pass out, since about 50% of the time I have blood drawn I go out for the count. She said it was only one vial, so I told her I should be ok, if she made it quick... ofcourse, nothing works out the way it does in my head. It took her three pokes in my left arm, and she was still unable to get my vein. So she poked at me again and went "Hmph" I thought she missed so I moved my arm. She started yelling that I pulled away. So this other huge nurse came over and said she was going to hold me down. I promptly told her she was NOT going to touch me and that I would be just fine. She inched closer and I more firmly told her there is no way in hell she was going to hold me down. She backed off and said I had one more shot. I told her if they could ever get my vein everything would be fine. So, on to the right arm. They finally got it and they took the vial of blood. I was worked up and nervous since it took them so long. My sister went with me and was relieved to see me walk through the door. She said 4 other people who went in after me had already come out in the time I was in there, she thought I had passed out. Thank god, I did not, but I really felt like I was going to since it took forever and they had me nervous and worked up.

I then went to get a hair cut, which was a bad idea. They washed my hair in really hot water and I thought I was going to throw up. I told her I had to come back later for the cut. I went home laid down, had lunch and felt better. About 3, I went back and got a hair cut. I like the new look. It makes me think sheep dog though, because my bangs mesh in with my hair, but they are too short to pull back and long enough to keep getting in my eyes. It looks pretty, just somewhat annoying.

Sorry for rambling. It has just been a long few days. Hopefully everything is fine with my hemoglobin and all is well. In the meantime, I will try my best not to worry about blood clots and enjoy my weekend...might be easier said than done.

NI Final

2005-06-23T07:15:00.000-04:00

As I started to take my test, I was reading over the multiple choice and playing with my mechanical pencil, I inadvertantly removed the eraser and dumped the lead into the computer keys. It was my luck that the lead fell into the area underneath the space bar. I tried to get it out, but it was stuck. I was like shit, I thought it might break into little pieces in there and mess up the keys and screw up my ability to type, so I lifted my computer turned it over and shook it to get the pieces out. They did come out thankfully!! But, I looked around and some of the people were looking at me like I had lost it, I just shrugged and went back into testing.

I thought that the final was fair. I think I nailed most of the multiple choice, I felt that they were pretty straight forward. I thought that the essays were not awful. Although, I did make a mistake early on by answering a question in reference to the wrong check. I had to delete my paragraph and start over. I lost about 2o minutes, but I was able to make it back up. Hopefully I covered all of the issues in each essay question. The third essay question was interesting, I think I made a good argument, just not sure if it is the right argument. Hopefully the graders will see that there are two sides to every coin if my answer is off base. I do not think it is, but it could be.

Either way, for better or worse, I did my best and now this is out of my hands. I have to stop replaying it in my head because I can not do anything about it, or change any of the answers that I made. The more I talk about the answers with others who took the test the more nervous I get. At this point, it is just driving me crazy because I cant do anything about it. However, I feel good about the tests and I know I did well. I am just not sure if I did well enough to gain admission. At this point, if I do not gain admission, I know that I most likely missed it by a small percentage, which blows, but what can I do. If I am meant to be in Albany, I will get the phone call in a few weeks and then start getting situated to move up to Albany. I secured housing there already, so it should not be a problem.

The people that I met from AAMPLE were great, as was my study partner. It was nice to put names with faces. My poor desk mate's (person who shared my table during testing) computer stopped working halfway through the test. I felt so bad for him, he had to finish taking half the test in a blue book. Talk about a trooper, he should get in for remaining calm and focused through that ordeal. I just wanted to give him a big hug. I am sure he did well despite his circumstances.

I am excited to be done with AAMPLE and have this weight lifted off of me, but in honesty I enjoyed the daily grind and I really enjoyed learning the law. Hopefully I get to continue it in the fall at Albany, but if not, it was an experience and it prepared me for a legal education anywhere. My parents called and said I had two large packages at home from Vermont and New England School of Law. At least I will have something to occupy my mind for a little bit when I get home.

Last Final...

2005-06-22T09:21:00.000-04:00

I am gearing up for the Negotiable Instruments final. I am not as nervous about this one because it is the second one, and I am farmiliar with how the final will work. I am going to eat breakfast, take a shower, and run through my outline two or three times before the final starts. I always thought I knew NI better than CP, hopefully that is the case. I would like to go in and kick ass on this test so that even if I did worse on CP, the average will even out and I will make the GPA that I need to gain admission. Will write more later.

Crim Pro Final...

2005-06-21T21:51:00.000-04:00

The CP final was not bad. It was not easy, but I thought it was fair. There were 10 multiple choice questions and 3 essay questions that ranged in topic. The multiple choice covered a broad area that covered most everything that we discussed. The essays seemed to focus on proper search and seizure, custody and interrogation and self incrimination. The fact patterns were chock full of issues both major and minor. All and all not a bad test if you were able to stay on top of things.

Surprisingly I remained calm and collected for the hour that we had to wait until the test began. I thought that I would have been a nervous wreck. Although, we could have started early if everyone showed up at 12.This pissed me off because everyone was there and in their seats by about 12:05, except for two people. One of them showed up at 12:45 for a check in that began at 12, and one person did not show up at all. I really wanted to take the person who showed up that late into the parking lot and beat her senseless. She held up the entire group. They really should not have even allowed her to take the god damn test. If check in is at 12, be there at 12. This is an important test, the least you could do is be punctual. She did not even apologize for holding up the rest of us. Oh well, hopefully she will not be joining the incoming class in August..../rant off

I did as well as I possibly could. I feel numb though, about this entire thing. I am not sure if I did really well or not, but I am thinking that I did well enoguh to meet the GPA that I need to gain admission. I will keep my fingers crossed about it. They told us we should know by mid/end of July...not a lot of time to get situated and to move, but it is still exciting. I think since it is such a long wait, the best thing for me to do is to just remain numb to all of this and be surprised either way.

I am off to study for NI. All those who thought of me today at 12. Thank you!!! And, please think of me one more time tommorrow at 12!

First Final Today...

2005-06-21T07:56:00.000-04:00

I am very anxious today. Just got up. I am going to grab some breakfast and go over my CP outline a couple times. I need to be there at 12, test starts at 1. At the point of no return. I just hope that everything works out for me. I have worked my ass off. I dont want to be sent home now. I visited the school again yesterday and I just love it. OH well. Back to studying and preping!! Will post more later.